Psychology says people who check on everyone else during a crisis before acknowledging their own fear aren't selfless - they learned that being needed is the only form of safety their childhood ever reliably delivered - Silicon Canals

"The guy who runs toward everyone else's fear before checking in on his own isn't operating from some deep well of courage. He's running an old program."

"There's a particular kind of adult who gets described, over and over, as reliable. Level-headed. Good in emergencies. At weddings and at wakes and in hospital waiting rooms, this person is the one making coffee, organizing rides, calling relatives."

"The conventional story says these people are selfless. That they were raised right. That they have their priorities straight. I bought that story for decades because it flattered me."

"What clinicians who study childhood trauma have found is that the steady ones often carry unacknowledged burdens from their past."

Many individuals are perceived as reliable and composed in emergencies, often stepping in to help without considering their own feelings. This behavior stems from childhood experiences where safety was linked to meeting others' needs. The narrative surrounding these individuals suggests they are selfless and well-raised, but this belief can obscure deeper issues related to childhood trauma and the avoidance of personal emotions. Recognizing this pattern is crucial for understanding one's motivations and emotional health.

Read at Silicon Canals