Supporting Someone with BPD: Tips for Family Members

"When someone you love has borderline personality disorder (BPD), life can feel like an emotional rollercoaster. One moment, things seem fine, and the next, you're seeing intense emotions and angry outbursts. You may be dysregulated and saying things in frustration that only make the situation worse. The good news? Learning specific skills can make a real difference. Research shows that when families understand BPD and use effective communication strategies, relationships improve and recovery becomes more possible."

"BPD is a mental health condition that affects how someone experiences emotions, relationships, and their sense of self. It is characterized by: Intense emotions that change quickly Fear of being abandoned or rejected Unstable relationships Impulsive behaviors Difficulty knowing who they are Feelings of emptiness. These signs aren't chosen behaviors or manipulation. They come from real differences in how the brain processes emotions and stress (e.g. NIMH). Knowing what behaviors are symptoms of the disorder can help you be more compassionate and respond more effectively."

"Validation means showing someone that their feelings make sense, even if you don't agree with their reaction. It's key to helping someone with BPD. Feeling understood is like the brain's brake on intensity and impulsivity. It lowers the emotional intensity so problem-solving can occur. Don't try to problem solve until both of you are calm. What validation sounds like: "I can see why you'd feel hurt by that." "Of course, your feelings make sense given what happened.""

Borderline personality disorder causes rapidly shifting intense emotions, fear of abandonment, unstable relationships, impulsivity, identity disturbances, and emptiness. These behaviors stem from differences in brain processing of emotions and stress, not deliberate manipulation. Family understanding and effective communication strategies improve relationships and support recovery. Identifying specific upsetting behaviors and matching them to BPD symptoms helps target responses. Validation involves communicating that feelings make sense even without agreeing, which reduces emotional intensity and lowers impulsivity so problem-solving can occur. Problem-solving should wait until both people are calm. Validation does not require agreeing with everything the person says.

Read at Psychology Today