"I am a therapist, and I love expressions of gratitude. A heartfelt card, a meaningful verbal thank you-these mean a lot to me. Therapists work hard, and while we make a decent living, we do not generally do it for the money. We honestly like to help others to improve their lives. I know this gives me great pleasure personally and professionally."
"I also love the holidays, including giving and receiving gifts. When it comes to my patients, however, this is where it gets awkward. As a therapist, I am trained to consider multiple motivations behind my patients' actions, not to judge but to better understand them. A gift can mean a lot of different things, which is why they can become more complicated than they seem at first glance."
"Here are some considerations about what a gift from a patient might mean: Honest and genuine gratitude. This is the least controversial motivation and a common reason why patients might give their therapist a gift. In this way, it can be a harmless, thoughtful gesture. A defense against aggression. The often unconscious motivation here is that a patient wishes to "make nice" with their therapist. It can be a preemptive gesture to reduce any tension or aggression that might exist in the therapeutic relationship."
Therapists value heartfelt expressions of gratitude such as cards or verbal thanks because helping others provides personal and professional satisfaction. Gift-giving by patients can create awkwardness when multiple motivations are possible, including honest gratitude, unconscious defenses against aggression, manipulation to gain favor or push boundaries, or efforts to equalize perceived power differences. Gifts rooted in complex motives can complicate the therapeutic relationship and cause confusion for the therapist. Exploring the gesture together can clarify its meaning, maintain appropriate boundaries, and honor genuine appreciation.
Read at Psychology Today
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