Parenting Adolescents and Three Challenges of Keeping Order

"The messy room, the scattered stuff, the forgotten promises, the lapsed memory, the wandering attention, the tuned-out response, the lost belongings, the trail of litter around the family home, can all be emblematic of the more demanded, distracted, and disorganized adolescent state of mind. Adolescent overload The dramatic growth change of adolescence can be a lot to keep up with as it unpredictably increases the complexity of one's inner and outer life."

""The wheels have come off the truck!" was how one dad described how his young teenager had become. "The inside of his head is like his room - a complete clutter!" While a mom despairs of her daughter's backpack, treated like a waste basket of school assignments: "She can't find anything where she keeps everything!""

"Order can be a major point of contention for many young adolescents, particularly when expressing new individuality, pushing for independence, or in rebellious mode. For the young person, it can feel emblematic of the oppressive adult system that keeps declaring what the teenager must and cannot do. "You're not the boss of the world!" the frustrated young person may object. Adult order can feel like the enemy of personal freedom, yet adolescent anarchy is not really desired. Parental order is also welcome in a grudging way because this family structure of rules and restraints and growing expectations also secures a stable sense of place and purpose in a rapidly changing world. "At least I don't have to decide everything for myself!""

Adolescence frequently manifests as physical and behavioral disarray that mirrors internal overload. Rapid biological, cognitive, and social changes increase life complexity and unpredictability. Teens may show scattered attention, forgotten responsibilities, and cluttered personal spaces as indicators of this strain. Resistance to adult-imposed order often stems from a desire for independence and identity formation. Despite objections, many adolescents grudgingly accept rules and routines because they provide reassurance, limits, and relief from constant decision-making. Balanced responses combine respect for autonomy with consistent expectations, supportive structure, and clear boundaries to help manage escalating demands.

Read at Psychology Today