Not Too Hot, Not Too Cold: How To Manage Your Emotions

"The overly hot-tempered folks often grew up with parents who exhibited those same traits, who blamed others for making them angry, serving as their primary role models. But beneath their temper tantrums-whether from the parents or now grown children-lies a continuous undercurrent of anxiety, hypervigilance, and a constant tendency to look around corners. They tend to have an externally-focused view of life and others."

"But beneath their temper tantrums-whether from the parents or now grown children-lies a continuous undercurrent of anxiety, hypervigilance, and a constant tendency to look around corners. They are wired for the negative, for things going wrong, and for the fear of the shoe dropping, which translates into fight responses rather than flee or freeze. This is often combined with their own self-criticism, a life governed by shoulds and right/wrong, and a need for control, leading them to treat others as they treat themselves."

People fall into emotional extremes: overly hot-tempered individuals who erupt in anger and emotionally cold individuals who suppress feelings and appear robotic. Hot-tempered people often model parental anger, blame others, and carry anxiety, hypervigilance, negativity, and a readiness to fight, combined with self-criticism, rigid right/wrong thinking, and a need for control. Emotionally cold people may have had unemotional parents or learned to hide emotions to stay safe, leading to internalization and silence. Both patterns commonly originate in childhood. Emotional maturity requires shedding these childhood coping strategies, regulating reactions, expressing feelings appropriately, and treating emotions as useful information.

Read at Psychology Today