"Aesop's fable of the sour grapes is familiar to most of us. Not able to get what he desired, the fox told himself that the grapes he had craved were actually worthless. It was his way of coping with the loss of something he wanted. We can see what this method of coping did to him-it produced bitterness and defeat."
"The fable is familiar to us not only because we heard it as children but also because we often behave like the fox. We want something-a reality-and when we don't or can't get it, we try to convince ourselves that it wasn't worth having. It could be a job, or a relationship, an award, or even a person who has died or left our lives in some other way."
"While this may give us momentary relief, it ultimately robs us of a piece of ourselves. It deprives us of the love and desire of our longing. We now have a hole in the continuity of our lives. A missing piece. It is a pyrrhic victory. The hole comes with feelings like anger, bitterness, and defeat. But there is another way."
Mourning helps accept the reality that is while acknowledging the wished-for reality that can't be. Aesop's fable of the sour grapes illustrates a common coping strategy of devaluing unattainable desires, which produces bitterness and defeat. People often convince themselves that lost jobs, relationships, awards, or people were not worth having to avoid painful acceptance. Such denial robs individuals of love and longing and creates a hole in the continuity of life. Mourning offers an alternative that honors longing while allowing acceptance. Loss is part of living and growing, and mourning can become a daily practice.
Read at Psychology Today
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