"The following by John Steinbeck supports a well-lived life. "Greatness lies in the one who triumphs equally over defeat and victory." Steinbeck is encouraging us to risk fully participating in life, with both defeat and victory being inevitable. It means living life on life's terms, doing what we can to minimize being defeated by either defeat or victory. Let's look more closely at what it means to be defeated by defeat."
"If we're not feeling victorious, then we're not only feeling defeated but also defeated by the defeat. That means we might be feeling like a failure, slipping into self-contempt and self-doubt. When these energies are activated, it can be difficult to appreciate our efforts and our best intentions. We're simply the person who messed up. We may become excessively cautious and fearful about future undertakings. Or, we might compensate by taking on quixotic tasks with little or no hope for success."
Greatness lies in triumphing equally over defeat and victory. Feeling defeated can become being defeated by defeat when self-contempt, self-doubt, and activated defensive energies make one view efforts as failures. Such responses produce excessive caution, fear of future undertakings, or compensatory quixotic projects with little chance of success. Clinical work with hundreds of clients informed the practical recommendations to triumph over defeat. Recommended steps include heightening acceptance of defeat as a natural human expression, acknowledging defeat as evidence of full participation, and retrospectively assessing actual control and risk judgments. If others were harmed, consider restitution, speak with a trusted person, and take necessary steps to forgive yourself. Being defeated by victory involves subtler, hidden problems requiring separate attention.
Read at Psychology Today
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