If I Work Harder, Will You Love Me?

"Between teaching MBA students and speaking to a lot of business audiences, I'm often interacting with successful people who work extremely long hours. It's common for me to hear about 13-hour workdays and seven-day workweeks, with few or no vacations. What I see among many of those I encounter is workaholism, a pathology characterized by continuing to work during discretionary time, thinking about work all the time, and pursuing job tasks well beyond what's required to meet any need."

"Workaholics feel a compulsion to work even when they are already earning plenty of money and despite getting minimal enjoyment from doing so. Does this sound familiar? If you do little else but work-and are mentally absent when not working-you are likely to find your life feels bereft of enjoyment, satisfaction, and meaning. Worst of all, compulsive overworking is incompatible with healthy intimate relationships, which take time, energy, and effort."

"Instead, I try to look behind the pathology to discover its origins. Typically, what I find in highly successful people is that an addiction to work is, in fact, based on an inchoate belief that love from others-including spouses, parents, and friends-can be earned only through constant toil and exceptional merit. Unchecked, this mistaken belief is catastrophic. But understanding the reasons behind this delusion can lead to healing."

Many successful people work extremely long hours and exhibit workaholism, defined by working during discretionary time, constant preoccupation with work, and pursuing tasks beyond requirements. Workaholics often feel compelled to work despite adequate pay and minimal enjoyment. Compulsive overworking reduces enjoyment, satisfaction, and meaning in life and undermines intimate relationships that require time and energy. Telling someone to simply stop is ineffective. The pathology often arises from a belief that love and approval must be earned through constant toil and exceptional merit. Recognizing these origins can enable pathways to healing. Life offers intrinsic rewards such as love distinct from material rewards.

Read at The Atlantic