"They cannot see beyond the moment and are not willing, at least right now, to consider your perspective. That's OK. Find somebody else to talk to namely a therapist. You are at the perfect point in your life to talk about your past and present with a professional who can help you process your feelings and experiences. This is how you can free yourself from whatever pain you are holding onto."
"He was quick to criticize and slow to show affection while my brother seemed to get the best part of him. Now that we're adults, I thought we could finally talk about it, but every time I bring it up, my brother shuts down or gets defensive. He insists I'm exaggerating, defends our father's behavior and sometimes even turns it back on me, saying I'm being too sensitive or still holding a grudge. My brother seems unwilling to understand my point of view."
As children, one sibling felt the father was consistently harder on them, quick to criticize and slow to show affection, while the brother received warmth. As adults, attempts to discuss this lead the brother to shut down, become defensive, deny exaggeration, and accuse sensitivity or grudges. The father insists he treated both the same. The advice is to accept that the family may be unwilling to acknowledge that perspective. Seek a therapist to process past and present feelings, evaluate life choices, free oneself from held pain, and develop healthy ways to live regardless of family responses. A separate letter recounts a friend unable to attend a grandmother's funeral and being reserved about grief.
Read at www.mercurynews.com
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