Grieving the Parents You Needed but Never Had - Tiny Buddha

""We can't receive from others what they were never taught to give." ~Unknown When I was younger, I believed that love meant being understood. I thought my parents would be there for me, emotionally and mentally. But love, I've learned, isn't always expressed in the ways we need, and not everyone has the tools to give what they never received."

"As an adult, I've learned something both liberating and heartbreaking: Parents can only give what they have. I used to get frustrated that my parents couldn't really understand my mental health struggles. The realization didn't hit me suddenly. It settled in slowly, in moments when frustration turned into sadness, hurt, and a quiet kind of grief. When I finally allowed myself to face the loneliness and disappointment I'd pushed aside for years, I began to accept it."

As an adult, the realization emerges that parents can only provide what they themselves possess. Many parents lack emotional regulation, tools, or examples, so they cannot fully meet children's mental health needs. Frustration and sadness accumulate into a quiet grief when expectations of understanding go unmet. Acceptance follows when the dream of receiving different parental support is released. This acceptance does not excuse harm or dismiss pain; it acknowledges generational differences in emotional education and capacity. Feeling misunderstood during attempts to discuss anxiety often produces advice rather than comfort, highlighting divergent emotional languages. Grieving unmet needs allows movement toward self-care and clearer boundaries.

Read at Tiny Buddha