Compare-and-Despair is Especially Brutal Around Midterms

"Negative comparisons, when we perceive others as better and/or ourselves as worse, can feel like a blow to the soul. College students, in particular, are struggling to negotiate a complex stew of expectations, desires, and obligations, and when they observe how others are doing, they can find many reasons to think they are not good enough. Students are especially vulnerable to this since they usually negatively compare themselves to others in the very areas where they already feel lacking."

"Perhaps most destructive, our perfectionist culture invites negative comparison. Being average or good enough is not okay. College culture celebrates getting a 4.0, sculpting a perfect body, excelling at sports or music, being awarded the best scholarship, winning a coveted internship, and even volunteering at the most notable nonprofit. It can be hard, at this age, to realize that perceived failures and successes are temporary, ephemeral moments in a long journey."

"1. Be Prepared One of the best ways to deal with "compare and despair" is to know that, like all thoughts, we can't control or stop comparisons; they pop into our heads outside our conscious control. If we expect that they will show up, especially around stressful times, negative comparisons become much less hurtful because they won't be such a big surprise."

Negative comparisons arise when people view others as better and themselves as worse, producing emotional pain that can undermine confidence. College students frequently face negative comparisons amid competing expectations, desires, and obligations, often targeting areas where they already feel insecure. Perfectionist cultural messages amplify these comparisons by privileging exceptional achievement and dismissing being average or good enough. Perceived successes and failures are temporary points within a longer journey and do not determine overall worth. Strategies to lessen negative comparisons include anticipating intrusive comparative thoughts, building self-awareness through labeling, and cultivating kindness and realistic perspective to reduce self-judgment.

Read at Psychology Today