Asking Eric: This workplace incident is hanging over me, a year later

"I worked for a family-owned realty company for nearly 30 years. I am not a family member. We started out as just four of us while the company expanded into one of the largest real estate firms in our community. I was an intricate piece of it, but as it grew, I felt more and more left in the dark by their decisions and considerations. It felt hostile to me."

"Bosses laid a happy retirement card on my desk and walked away. When I opened it later in front of some co-workers, we all were shocked when not even a gift card fell out. Kind words written, but I was confused. My feelings were validated by my therapist and friends to whom I spoke. However, one year later my self-esteem is still deflated, and I have frequent nightmares of being back in the toxic work atmosphere."

"Dear Realtor: I say this with kindness you probably already know the deal, or at least the general outline of the deal, so I don't think a conversation with a toxic employer is going to bring you the closure you seek. The unhappy feelings you have about your former workplace have all coalesced around the retirement acknowledgment, but it sounds like you suffered for years. All of that is going to take a toll."

After nearly 30 years at a family-owned realty company, an employee retired feeling excluded, disrespected and hurt by management's decisions and lack of recognition. The only retirement acknowledgment was a card left on a desk with kind words but no gift, which surprised the employee and colleagues. Months later the employee experiences deflated self-esteem and nightmares about the toxic work atmosphere despite staying active in charitable and political causes. Confronting former employers rarely brings closure; therapy and reframing the past can help rebuild self-esteem and promote healing.

Read at www.mercurynews.com