Alcohol Used to Mask My Social Anxiety - Here's What I'm Learning Without It

"One of the biggest surprises of not drinking was realizing how much social anxiety I have. And I'm a pretty social person. Back in 2022, after COVID pushed me into remote work, I noticed something: my only social life outside work usually involved drinks at a bar. Unlike school or office life, home meant being clear-headed; out meant being drunk."

"That wasn't sustainable, especially for someone like me, a natural binge drinker who could black out and make a complete fool of herself without even trying. Most people only saw me in that state, and it was exhausting to realize that my clear-headed self had disappeared from view. At the same time, being out without a drink felt strange, especially in Boston, where friends who don't drink are basically a myth."

"The lessons were notable, but the biggest one? Everyone is a little awkward without alcohol. Being a party girl isn't quite as cool in your 30s, and it wasn't just me who was more mellow - it was everyone. Listening to conversations, I kept hearing: "I'm taking it easy tonight" or "I'll come but don't expect me to stay long." Then it clicked: we're all relying on this magical poison for a little borrowed confidence."

I have a conflicted relationship with alcohol, cycling between months of abstinence and months of drinking. Alcohol shapes mood, social life, and perceived confidence. Remote work after COVID meant social life outside work involved bars, and being at home felt clear-headed while going out meant being drunk. Binge drinking led to blackouts and a loss of a clear-headed self in others' view. Four months of scattered sobriety in 2025 revealed widespread social awkwardness without alcohol and showed many people relying on alcohol for borrowed confidence. Sobriety became a practiced skill and attracted praise for attending events while sober.

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