5 Questions to Ask Before Cutting Ties With Family

"There has been a lot of press given lately to the topic of cutting off family members who treat us badly or do not respect our boundaries. It seems to resurface each year around the holidays, most likely because that's a time when we see family members who offend us, mistreat us, or refuse to respect us. Many therapists have even advised their clients to cut ties with family members they consider toxic."

"Over the more than 18 years I've been a clinical psychologist, many clients have asked me for advice about whether they should cut off family members who were abusive toward them, disrespected their personal boundaries, or caused them pain in other ways. Contrary to popular opinion, there is no simple answer. If you are considering cutting someone off, whether it's a parent, sibling, or extended family member, the process should be thoughtful and intentional."

"Do the person's actions warrant a response this drastic? Only you can decide if this is true for you in your relationship. Some examples of when people consider cutting ties include: a history of physical, sexual, or emotional abuse by the person, or ongoing abuse their behavior has a severe impact on your mental health they refuse to respect personal boundaries that you've tried to establish Remember that others who have been in a similar position may make a different decision, and that's OK."

Cutting ties with family members can sometimes be the healthiest option but should follow a deliberate, thoughtful process. Decisions should weigh the severity of harm, history of physical, sexual, or emotional abuse, ongoing boundary violations, and the impact on mental health. Consider how estrangement from one person may affect other family relationships. Assess whether the person's actions truly warrant a drastic response and whether conflict-resolution attempts have been made. Use a structured set of questions to guide the decision. Recognize that different people may reach different conclusions based on their circumstances.

Read at Psychology Today