3 Reasons We Avoid Family Conflict-and Why We Need to Stop

"Families serve as the connective glue for many people, providing a sense of belonging and acceptance while forming a framework for relationships throughout their lifespan. Despite their potential to nurture security and intimacy, however, some families fall short, and certain interaction patterns can be harmful-not just at yearly family get-togethers, but on a personal level as well. Toxic family dynamics-from belittling to exerting power and control to manipulation-have been well-established by research as damaging and destructive."

"Though we know that harmful relationships should be avoided, it can be difficult to do so when it comes to family, particularly during the holiday season. But what is the personal cost-and cost to the family group as a whole-when individuals set aside their own sense of safety and avoid family conflict to maintain the "appearance" of a functioning family unit?"

"Growing up in a family system that promotes toxicity-or does little to discourage it-can lead to low self-esteem, anxiety, people-pleasing behaviors, adult relationship disruptions, and more. Remaining in a toxic family system, even if the interactions are isolated to a handful of times a year, comes at immense cost to self-worth and mental health. Dysfunctional families prove the old adage that "blood is thicker than water" to be not just wrong, but an excuse to enable harmful behavior."

Families can provide belonging and shape lifelong relationships, yet certain interaction patterns can be harmful. Toxic behaviors such as belittling, power exertion, control, and manipulation inflict psychological damage. Adults commonly avoid family conflict to preserve appearances, particularly during holidays, but avoidance sacrifices personal safety and fosters resentment. Growing up in toxic systems contributes to low self-esteem, anxiety, people-pleasing, and disrupted adult relationships. Remaining connected to harmful family patterns, even intermittently, erodes self-worth and mental health. True family unity requires confronting dysfunction rather than enabling harmful behavior through silence or excuses about blood ties.

Read at Psychology Today