I Finally Found Out Why My Dad Is Estranged From His Brothers. I'm More Confused Than Ever.

"My father's parents died many years ago, when I was a child. From just being in the house around my parents talking, I understood that there was a lot of stress at the time with his siblings about the will. We stopped getting together as an extended family after they died, which we never talked about, but it made sense to me that my grandparents were keeping everyone together and that without them it just kind of fell apart. But I'd always been a little sad about it, because I do remember when we used to all get together and it was fun. And I always wondered what really happened."

"Last night at dinner I was asking my dad about what happened there and he said basically that his parents had made him executor of their will and that his three brothers, all older, were very offended by this and basically cut off the relationship with him after that. I asked follow-up questions but didn't get much from him (this is pretty typical of my dad, I don't think he's withholding anything, he's just not a great conversationalist). He did say they all got equal shares in the will and that he didn't take anything extra for being the executor."

"You're not wrong. The executor of a will is the person in charge of reading through it and carrying out its wishes. If anything, your grandparents saved their other kids a"

The executor role is an administrative duty responsible for reading the will and carrying out its terms. Equal inheritance can coexist with a single appointed executor who handles probate tasks and logistics. Family members can perceive the executor appointment as an honor or slight, which can spark lasting interpersonal conflict even when shares are equal. Clear communication about the reasons for selecting an executor and the executor's responsibilities can reduce misunderstandings. Trust in competence and willingness to serve often motivate executor choices. Formal documentation and transparent discussion can help prevent estrangement and ease estate administration.

Read at Slate Magazine