"In my sex therapy practice, I see a respectable number of couples in heterosexual relationships where the presenting issue is that the male partner has been engaging in sexual behavior with other men and has kept this secret from his girlfriend or wife...until it was no longer secret. Needless to say, by the time these couples come to see me, their relationship is in deep crisis. I would like to address a few of the common issues that these couples face."
"As is so often the case with the general public, some of these couples do not know how to discern those mental health providers who are skilled in this work vs those who are not. In more than one situation, these clients often find me after seeing at least one or two other therapists, where it became clear to them that the therapist was not adequately trained in how to help them."
"It must be said that no matter the relationship context, same-sex sexual attraction and same-sex sexual activity are not sex addictions. Regardless of what certain cultures and communities say, there is nothing intrinsically wrong with a man desiring sex with another man, even when that man is in a heterosexual relationship."
Many heterosexual couples present in therapy after a male partner’s same-sex sexual behavior and secrecy are discovered, often bringing the relationship into deep crisis. Couples frequently see multiple therapists before finding clinicians trained in couples work and human sexuality. Some men are encouraged to attend 12-step sex addiction groups based on self-diagnosis, which wrongly frames same-sex attraction as pathological. Same-sex sexual desire and activity are not addictions, and suggesting addiction-based peer support pathologizes sexual diversity. Skilled, appropriately trained couples therapists are needed to address the relational and sexual complexities without mislabeling.
Read at Psychology Today
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