"Paul MezcalThis is actually a nice blended Irish whiskey with an unfortunate typo on the label. All of the malt is ground into grist by Paul Mescal's famously powerful thighs. Sláinte! Drake's Old-FashionedEmphasis on the "old." Sure, Drake is just trying to manage optics, but damn if that Angostura doesn't have a lovely zip to it. All proceeds go to Drake's legal team."
"Walton Goggins's Weirdly Hot Jalapeño TequilaLike Walton Goggins, this tequila is weirdly hot. Like Goggins's career, it's a slow burn. And, like Goggins's character on "Fallout," you'll get absolutely nothing on the nose. Nancy's Summer SundownerMade with a crisp gin and bubbly tonic, Nancy Pelosi's new canned cocktail is best enjoyed in retirement while watching the sun set on a dying empire."
Celebrities are each matched to imaginatively named alcoholic products accompanied by irreverent, comedic descriptions. Paul Mezcal is labeled as a blended Irish whiskey with a label typo and malt ground by powerful thighs. Drake's Old-Fashioned emphasizes age and an Angostura zip with proceeds diverted to legal defense. Walton Goggins's tequila is described as a slow-burning, hot jalapeño spirit with no aroma. Nancy Pelosi's canned gin-and-tonic is framed as a retirement sundowner. Aaron Rodgers's quoted "CBD" seltzer includes psychedelic allusions. Several celebrity rums and beers are noted for intentional branding, poor taste, or absurd backstories.
Read at The New Yorker
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