The first time I met her, she told me she was planning to end her life in six months. As a filmmaker, I had complicated feelings about Carmen's choice and my role in her journey. As I first got to know her, I had the hope that the process of filming could influence her to at least postpone her departure. But she had made this decision years ago.
Carmen's case raises a question: Should the elderly have the choice to die if they feel ready, even though they could stay with us longer? Making this film did not make answering that any easier, and I do not want Carmen to serve as an example.
A former Catholic nun who had spent over a decade in a convent, she said of organized religion: They instill fear so you can't be free. Freedom is what is truly terrifying! She lived the rest of her life rebelling against that fear.
Ultimately, making this film taught me more about how she chose to live than how she chose to die. I eventually came to the realization that I was making this film because I'm afraid of death, and she was not.
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