Miss Manners: Is it petty of me to resent this woman's presumptuous thank-yous?

"For many years, I have been friends with a person who is intellectually disabled. I became acquainted with him and his sister, who cared for him; his sister has now died, and he is living independently. I take him on family camping trips, take him to lunches and dinners and visit with him often, as does the rest of my family. He and my son have developed a solid friendship. After his sister died, his sister's longtime best friend became his legal guardian. She thanks me for the things I do for and with him e.g., Thank you for taking (name) camping, etc. I knew him for years before I ever met her. Is it wrong or petty of me to resent her thank-yous? I do not feel they are necessary, as my friendship with this man is something I chose, not something I am doing out of the goodness of my heart or any other such sentiment. How do I handle this? GENTLE READER: By responding each time with, No, no, it is I who am thankful to have such a good friend."

"DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm a single woman who is frequently asked about my plans for marriage. The individuals making these inquiries have no business asking this question, let alone hearing the answer. I typically smile and change the subject without answering their question. A few times, when particularly startled, I have responded with, I beg your pardon. Is there a more polite way to handle this highly impertinent question? GENTLE READER: If this is a proposal, I am sorry to have to disappoint you."

A longtime friend continues to include an intellectually disabled man in family activities after his caregiver's death, while the man's new legal guardian repeatedly thanks the friend for those actions. The recommended response to expressed gratitude is to say that one is the one who is thankful to have such a good friend. A single woman reports frequent intrusive questions about marriage plans and sometimes deflects; a suggested witty reply to a presumptuous inquiry is to treat it as a proposal and decline. A collector mixes many silver flatware patterns with varied floral china and asks whether the mismatched tablescape is gauche.

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