The author reflects on their name, initially intended to be Spencer, but changed due to unfortunate initials. This has led to a lifelong discomfort with identity. Despite not believing in God, they've often sought divine intervention for personal change. The narrative reveals a deep connection to hands-on work across various environments - from grocery stores to a glass shop - linking their personal history, dreams, and struggles for change with their unfolding identity.
"I have never believed in God, but I have always asked him for favours... Maybe this is just what praying feels like to firm believers."
"I have begged that God might change me, but I have never believed God is real, and we cannot rely on the things we don't believe in to ever save us."
"These hands stocked the grocery-store shelves in Whitehorse... I started working for him... gained experience under the sound of power tools, men's voices, and the distant static of the radio."
"I never liked my name, and I never fully understood why... they realized at the last minute that my initials would spell ASS, and that felt like setting me up for failure."
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