Call me crazy, but I think that you can make a point of ending your relationship in a manner that does not include an email, a doorman, or a missing person's report. I think you could all get over your fear of looking like the bad guy and actually have the uncomfortable breakup conversation. Because here's what, avoiding that is what makes you the bad guy.
In an interview, Parker mentioned, "I used to say, I can't, because of the government,' and I'd do this, Parker said, pointing up to the sky. It really confused people."