#marcus
#marcus
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#personal-growth #mental-health #resilience #self-awareness #psychology #relationships #mindfulness #stoicism
Careers
fromSilicon Canals
21 hours agoI'm 66 and I spent forty years being extremely good at my job and last spring I realized I had optimized my entire existence for the approval of people I didn't particularly like - Silicon Canals
Professional dedication can sometimes mask a deeper need for approval from others, leading to personal sacrifices and a loss of self-identity.
#success
Mindfulness
fromPsychology Today
12 hours agoThe Hidden Cost of Success
Success can lead to self-abandonment when internal signals are overridden, resulting in a disconnection from oneself despite external achievements.
Writing
fromSilicon Canals
1 day agoI'm 66 and the most important relationship of my adult life has been with solitude - not as a consolation for the company I didn't have, but as the place where I have always been most honest, most creative, and most recognizably myself, and I spent too many years being embarrassed about that before I understood it was simply how I was built - Silicon Canals
Solitude allows for self-discovery and personal reflection, free from societal expectations and external pressures.
#emotional-resilience
Mental health
fromSilicon Canals
1 day agoPsychology says people who mellow out as they get older aren't the ones who suffered less - they're the ones who decided, at some point and without always knowing they were deciding, that the suffering was going to make them more open rather than less, and that decision, remade daily in small ways that nobody notices, is the entire difference - Silicon Canals
Emotional responses to life's challenges can change over time, leading to greater peace and stability despite ongoing difficulties.
fromSilicon Canals
6 days agoParenting
My father grew up in the 1960s and he's the toughest man I know - not because he's never been broken, but because I have never once seen him stay broken, and the speed with which he gets back up has always looked to me less like strength and more like a man who was simply never taught that staying down was an option - Silicon Canals
Mental health
fromSilicon Canals
1 day agoPsychology says people who mellow out as they get older aren't the ones who suffered less - they're the ones who decided, at some point and without always knowing they were deciding, that the suffering was going to make them more open rather than less, and that decision, remade daily in small ways that nobody notices, is the entire difference - Silicon Canals
Emotional responses to life's challenges can change over time, leading to greater peace and stability despite ongoing difficulties.
Parenting
fromSilicon Canals
6 days agoMy father grew up in the 1960s and he's the toughest man I know - not because he's never been broken, but because I have never once seen him stay broken, and the speed with which he gets back up has always looked to me less like strength and more like a man who was simply never taught that staying down was an option - Silicon Canals
Men of previous generations often lacked the emotional vocabulary to process grief, leading to a stoic facade in the face of loss.
fromFast Company
3 days agoWhat to do after a life-defining mistake
The only thing worse than making a mistake is keeping it bottled up inside. Learning from the mistakes of others could help you embark on the healing journey of sharing and working through a mistake of your own, with someone you trust.
Books
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
1 hour agoResearch suggests that self-compassion after failure - not self-criticism - is what predicts whether someone tries again, which means being hard on yourself isn't discipline, it's the thing that ends it - Silicon Canals
Self-compassion, not self-criticism, fosters resilience and encourages individuals to recover and try again after failure.
Mindfulness
fromSilicon Canals
1 day agoPsychology says people who constantly research self-improvement but never start aren't lazy - they've confused the feeling of learning with the feeling of changing - Silicon Canals
Learning about self-improvement can create a false sense of progress without actual change in behavior.
Relationships
fromSilicon Canals
3 days agoI'm 66 and I finally learned the hardest lesson isn't that people will disappoint you - it's that you'll disappoint yourself by pretending you don't need what you need until you forget what that even was - Silicon Canals
Neglecting emotional needs leads to a profound sense of loss and disconnection from oneself and others.
#loneliness
Writing
fromSilicon Canals
4 days agoI'm 66 and the loneliest I've ever felt wasn't after my children left or my friends moved away - it was the morning I woke up and realized I had nothing that needed me, nothing that depended on my showing up, and the whole day stretched ahead like a road with no destination - Silicon Canals
Loneliness can stem from feeling unnecessary, not just from being alone.
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
5 days agoPsychology says the people who actually escape loneliness don't do it by finding more people - they do it by finally dropping the version of themselves that made real connection impossible in the first place - Silicon Canals
Loneliness stems from a lack of genuine connection, not merely from being alone or having many acquaintances.
#self-worth
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
3 days agoPsychology says if you want your 70s to be the best years of your life you have to stop doing something most people don't quit until it's too late - and the quitting isn't dramatic, it's just the daily decision to stop measuring yourself by a standard that was always someone else's and never actually yours - Silicon Canals
Measuring worth by external standards leads to dissatisfaction; true value comes from personal fulfillment, not societal expectations.
#personal-growth
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
6 days agoI'm 66 and the thing I learned too late isn't that I should have traveled more or worked less - it's that I spent forty years waiting for permission to want things - Silicon Canals
Waiting for permission to want things can lead to missed opportunities and unfulfilled desires.
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
17 hours agoPsychology says the most emotionally strong people aren't the ones who never fall apart - they're the ones who fall apart privately, reassemble without fanfare, and never use their recovery as a reason for anyone else to feel guilty - Silicon Canals
Emotional strength involves acknowledging feelings and recovering privately, not denying vulnerability or pretending to be unbreakable.
Mindfulness
fromSilicon Canals
3 days agoPsychology says the most important life lesson isn't learning to make better decisions - it's learning to live peacefully with the ones you can't undo - Silicon Canals
Irreversible choices shape our lives and learning to coexist with them is crucial for mental well-being.
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
1 day agoPsychology says people who feel like they've been living someone else's life aren't confused or ungrateful - they're often the ones who were so good at adapting in childhood that they never stopped adapting long enough to find out who they actually were - Silicon Canals
Adapting to others' needs in childhood can lead to feeling disconnected and lost in adulthood.
Mindfulness
fromSilicon Canals
3 days agoI'm 37 and I've already learned that your body keeps score, your gut rarely lies, and your childhood follows you into every relationship - while pretending I had it all figured out at 25 - Silicon Canals
Emotional struggles and stress manifest physically, impacting health and well-being.
fromSilicon Canals
4 weeks agoI'm 66 and I finally stopped trying to impress people who were never actually paying attention - and the silence taught me that most of what I thought mattered was just performance anxiety dressed up as ambition - Silicon Canals
I spent forty years trying to impress people who probably forgot my name five minutes after I left their house. That's a hell of a thing to admit at sixty-six. But there it is. I've been retired for a couple years now, and the quiet has taught me things I was too busy to learn when I was running around with a van full of wire and a head full of worry.
Miscellaneous
#emotional-intelligence
Mindfulness
fromSilicon Canals
3 days agoPsychology suggests people who stay calm during conflict aren't less emotional - they learned early that the person who controls the temperature of the room controls the outcome, and they stopped reacting and started choosing - Silicon Canals
Controlling emotional responses during conflict can significantly influence the outcome of the situation.
Mindfulness
fromSilicon Canals
3 days agoPsychology suggests people who stay calm during conflict aren't less emotional - they learned early that the person who controls the temperature of the room controls the outcome, and they stopped reacting and started choosing - Silicon Canals
Controlling emotional responses during conflict can significantly influence the outcome of the situation.
Mindfulness
fromSilicon Canals
5 days agoI'm 37 and I've already learned the hard way that the older you get, the less drama you can tolerate, the more solitude makes sense, and the clearer your standards become while outgrowing the life I once thought I wanted - Silicon Canals
Aging brings a shift in priorities, leading to a decreased tolerance for drama and a greater appreciation for peace and authenticity.
#kindness
Mindfulness
fromSilicon Canals
5 days agoI'm 37 and I realized I wasn't actually a good person the day my wife said "you're kind to strangers and cruel to the people closest to you" - and the worst part wasn't the accusation, it was that I couldn't argue because I'd been using up all my patience on people who didn't matter and coming home empty - Silicon Canals
Kindness should be abundant at home, not rationed for public interactions, to foster authentic connections with loved ones.
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
5 days agoThere is a specific kind of masculinity that comes not from dominance but from integrity, calmness, and emotional steadiness - they make others feel safe - Silicon Canals
True strength in masculinity is calm, steady, and emotionally safe, contrasting with loud, dominant behaviors often mistaken for confidence.
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
5 days agoThere's a particular kind of strength that belongs to people who rebuilt their entire personality after 40 - not because something broke them, but because they finally had enough distance from their childhood to see what was never theirs to carry - Silicon Canals
Personality changes after forty often reflect a deeper honesty about one's true self rather than a crisis or breakdown.
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
6 days agoI used to be unhappy and I blamed everything around me - until I realized I'd built an entire life around avoiding the one conversation I needed to have with myself - Silicon Canals
Unhappiness often stems from avoiding self-reflection and attributing life issues to external factors rather than personal choices.
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
5 days agoNobody prepares you for the hardest lesson of your 50s - that some of the people you sacrificed for genuinely don't remember what you gave up, and it's not cruelty, it's just the way memory works when you were never the main character in their story - Silicon Canals
Sacrifices made for others often go unremembered, as people focus on their own narratives and experiences.
Mindfulness
fromSilicon Canals
6 days agoThe difference between people who actually change their lives and people who just talk about it almost always comes down to what they do in the first 90 seconds after waking up - Silicon Canals
The first 90 seconds after waking significantly influence the rest of the day, often leading to reactive behavior if not managed properly.
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
6 days agoPsychology says people who ask 'how can I learn to be more empathetic' already possess the one trait that matters most - self-awareness - while people who claim they're already empathetic rarely are - Silicon Canals
Self-awareness is essential for developing genuine empathy and emotional intelligence.
Relationships
fromSilicon Canals
1 month agoPeople who grow old without bitterness despite having hard lives usually made these 8 quiet decisions along the way - Silicon Canals
People who age without bitterness make deliberate choices: viewing hardship as one chapter not the ending, releasing people they cannot save, and choosing gratitude over resentment.
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
6 days agoI'm 44 and the most honest thing I can say about this age is that I can see clearly in both directions for the first time - far enough back to know exactly what I traded and far enough forward to understand there is still time, but not the kind of time that allows for any more waiting - Silicon Canals
Midlife brings clarity about past choices and future possibilities, revealing the importance of recognizing the gap between planned and actual life.
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
1 week agoResearch suggests the calmest people in any room aren't naturally calm - they once had the most chaotic inner world and built stillness the way someone builds a house around a wound, one deliberate wall at a time - Silicon Canals
Calm is constructed through experience and understanding, not an inherent trait or genetic gift.
Philosophy
fromPsychology Today
1 month agoGiving Up Is Always an Option, but Rarely the Best One
When unable to achieve desired goals, people often reframe their desires as undesirable to protect self-esteem, but research shows this defensive strategy of disengagement reduces life satisfaction over time.
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
1 week agoI'm 66 and the advice I'd give my younger self isn't "work harder" or "take more risks" - it's "pay attention to the life you're living right now because you're going to spend a decade looking back on it wondering why you were in such a rush to get somewhere else" - Silicon Canals
Attention problems can cost more than financial mistakes or career missteps, impacting overall happiness and life satisfaction.
Philosophy
fromFast Company
1 month agoHow meekness was once considered a virtue-and how it could help us today
Meekness, docility, and condescension were historically understood as virtues but are now viewed negatively due to changed definitions and cultural values, though they retain practical value for living well.
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
3 weeks ago5 signs you're letting the years blur quietly into each other - and the one question that stops most people cold when they finally ask it - Silicon Canals
Repetitive routines cause years to blur together into indistinguishable memories, making time feel like it passes faster while you accomplish less of significance.
fromThe Conversation
1 month agoMeekness isn't weakness - once considered positive, it's one of the 'undersung virtues' that deserve defense today
What do you envision when you think of meekness? You probably see a mousy doormat, someone sheepishly acquiescing to the will of the stronger. When Jesus says, "Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth," you might think that those wimps will hand it over without a whimper or word of objection to stronger, more ambitious people. The philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche called meekness "craven baseness."
Philosophy
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
1 month agoPsychology says people who can spend an entire weekend without speaking to anyone usually have these 7 mental strengths others lack - Silicon Canals
People comfortable spending extended time alone possess psychological strengths including emotional self-regulation, self-sufficiency, and mental maturity rather than antisocial tendencies or damage.
Mindfulness
fromSilicon Canals
1 month agoThe art of needing less: 8 habits of people who stopped chasing happiness and accidentally found it - Silicon Canals
Happiness grows from needing less and adopting simple habits like accepting "good enough", prioritizing experiences, and releasing the relentless pursuit of perfection.
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