Parenting
fromSlate Magazine
1 day agoI Once Thought Parents Were to Blame for What My Family Is Going Through. Now I Realize How Wrong I Was.
Focusing on one small change at a time can help manage chaos in a busy household.
#grandparenting-issues
#grandparenting-issues
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#parenting
Parenting
fromSilicon Canals
1 day agoResearch suggests the 1960s and 70s produced adults who could self-soothe, entertain themselves, and tolerate boredom - not because their parents were wise but because their parents were simply elsewhere - Silicon Canals
Modern parenting emphasizes structured activities, contrasting sharply with past generations' unstructured play, which may have fostered resilience and independence in children.
Parenting
fromSilicon Canals
1 day agoResearch suggests the 1960s and 70s produced adults who could self-soothe, entertain themselves, and tolerate boredom - not because their parents were wise but because their parents were simply elsewhere - Silicon Canals
Modern parenting emphasizes structured activities, contrasting sharply with past generations' unstructured play, which may have fostered resilience and independence in children.
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
18 hours agoMy father became someone I dreaded visiting somewhere in his late 60s - not suddenly, not through any single thing, but through the slow accumulation of a bitterness I watched arrive like weather and settle into his personality as though it had always been there, and the hardest part was not the bitterness itself but the fact that I could see exactly where it had come from and could not find a way to say so without making it worse - Silicon Canals
Disappointment can transform identity, leading to bitterness when circumstances change beyond one's control.
#mental-health
Mental health
fromSilicon Canals
23 hours agoPsychology says boomers who learned to 'just get on with it' aren't emotionally stunted - they built a coping architecture that millennials are now paying therapists to reconstruct - Silicon Canals
UK spending on private therapy has risen over 40% in a decade, with millennials as the largest demographic seeking treatment for emotional issues.
Careers
fromSilicon Canals
13 hours agoI was always the reliable one - the one who showed up, remembered, rearranged, and absorbed - and it took me until 58 to wonder whether anyone would have come looking if I'd stopped - Silicon Canals
Being the reliable one can lead to personal neglect and invisibility in relationships.
Writing
fromSilicon Canals
19 hours agoThe children who grew up in the 60s and 70s didn't become the toughest generation because their childhoods were harder - they became the toughest generation because their childhoods were honest, and honest is different from hard because hard can be survived passively but honest requires you to look at what is actually in front of you and deal with it as it is - Silicon Canals
Childhood experiences of honesty and reality foster resilience and strength, contrasting with modern tendencies to shield children from uncomfortable truths.
#grandparenting
NYC parents
fromwww.businessinsider.com
1 week agoI started raising my grandson just a few months into my retirement. My wife and I want to give him a good life, but it's financially draining.
Martin Odum and his wife are raising their grandson Noah, who has spina bifida, after previously raising their granddaughter.
Parenting
fromSilicon Canals
3 weeks agoSomething happens to a man's face when he holds his grandchild for the first time that is different from the face he made when he held his own child - and the difference is visible in these 8 ways, and every one of them traces to something he now knows that he didn't know the first time - Silicon Canals
Grandparents hold babies with visible calm and confidence gained from successfully raising children, showing relaxed eyes, fewer worry lines, and genuine presence compared to anxious first-time parents.
NYC parents
fromwww.businessinsider.com
1 week agoI started raising my grandson just a few months into my retirement. My wife and I want to give him a good life, but it's financially draining.
Martin Odum and his wife are raising their grandson Noah, who has spina bifida, after previously raising their granddaughter.
Parenting
fromSilicon Canals
3 weeks agoSomething happens to a man's face when he holds his grandchild for the first time that is different from the face he made when he held his own child - and the difference is visible in these 8 ways, and every one of them traces to something he now knows that he didn't know the first time - Silicon Canals
Grandparents hold babies with visible calm and confidence gained from successfully raising children, showing relaxed eyes, fewer worry lines, and genuine presence compared to anxious first-time parents.
#retirement
Retirement
fromSilicon Canals
4 days agoPsychologists explain that people who feel neglected in retirement aren't necessarily being ignored - they're experiencing the sudden absence of the role-based relationships that made them feel valued for forty years - Silicon Canals
Retirement can lead to feelings of invisibility and loss of identity as relationships formed at work fade away.
Parenting
fromSilicon Canals
1 day agoNobody talks about the specific grief of watching your retired parent wander from room to room in a house that used to be chaos - not because they're sad, but because the structure that held their entire identity just became square footage - Silicon Canals
Retirement can lead to a loss of purpose for parents who defined themselves through their roles and responsibilities.
Mental health
fromSilicon Canals
2 days agoI'm 66 and I woke up last Thursday and realized I couldn't name a single thing I was looking forward to - not because nothing good was happening but because I'd trained myself to find meaning in being needed and nobody needs me anymore - Silicon Canals
Finding purpose in being needed can lead to a loss of personal desires and identity after retirement.
#loneliness
Relationships
fromSilicon Canals
19 hours agoThere's a certain kind of loneliness that only hits after 60 - not the loneliness of being alone, but the loneliness of being with people who love the person you've always been and have no idea who you're becoming - Silicon Canals
Loneliness after sixty stems from being surrounded by people who see an outdated version of oneself, not from physical absence.
Mental health
fromSilicon Canals
2 days agoPsychology says the loneliness that arrives after 65 isn't an inevitable feature of aging - it's the accumulated result of every friendship that was allowed to thin, every phone call that was delayed, every invitation that wasn't extended, compounded quietly over decades until the social life that once maintained itself without effort requires more effort than it has ever required and more energy than is currently available - Silicon Canals
Loneliness often stems from a series of small decisions that weaken social connections over time.
Careers
fromSilicon Canals
20 hours agoI watched my boomer mother give unsolicited opinions about my parenting, my marriage, my weight, and my career for fifteen years with the certainty of someone who had never once been wrong about anything - and the day I finally said something back was the day I understood that her certainty was not about me at all, it was the one thing she had that still made her feel like she mattered - Silicon Canals
Unsolicited advice from the boomer generation reflects deeper fears of irrelevance and a need to maintain authority.
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
1 day agoThe hardest thing about being the calm one in a family is that your steadiness becomes load-bearing. Everyone leans on it, nobody asks what holds it up, and the day you finally crack, people don't comfort you. They panic. Because your collapse threatens the architecture, and the architecture was always more important than you were. - Silicon Canals
The calm family member often bears the burden of emotional labor, managing others' feelings while suppressing their own.
Women in technology
fromwww.theguardian.com
1 week agoIn defence of dropping dead: the burden of extended care for aged parents is a heavy new phenomenon | Lucinda Holdforth
Modern longevity presents both a hopeful narrative of progress and a burden of economic, social, and psychological challenges for individuals and society.
Parenting
fromSilicon Canals
18 hours agoI'm 66 and the thing that broke me open this year was not a loss or a diagnosis or anything large - it was my grandson falling asleep on my chest on an ordinary afternoon, his whole small weight trusting me completely, and I sat there unable to move and understood that this is what all of it was for, not the career or the mortgage or the decades of doing the right thing, just this, just him, just now - Silicon Canals
Life's true value lies in small moments with loved ones, not in achievements or material success.
#family-dynamics
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
21 hours agoMost families have one person everyone loves but nobody genuinely listens to - and psychology says that person almost always knows exactly who they are, has known for decades, and long ago stopped hoping anyone else would figure it out - Silicon Canals
Family dynamics often lead to certain voices being unheard, creating an invisible hierarchy that affects communication and connection.
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
21 hours agoMost families have one person everyone loves but nobody genuinely listens to - and psychology says that person almost always knows exactly who they are, has known for decades, and long ago stopped hoping anyone else would figure it out - Silicon Canals
Family dynamics often lead to certain voices being unheard, creating an invisible hierarchy that affects communication and connection.
Relationships
fromSilicon Canals
1 day agoI'm 66 and my wife Donna said something last week that I haven't been able to stop thinking about. She said the reason our sons don't call more isn't because they don't love me. It's because I taught them that strong men don't need checking on, and they believed me. - Silicon Canals
Father-son silence often reflects learned emotional stoicism rather than a broken relationship, demonstrating that strong men don't need to check in.
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
2 days agoPsychology says the reason older people stop caring isn't emotional withdrawal - it's that they've finally learned to distinguish between what actually matters and what they were only caring about out of social obligation - Silicon Canals
Older individuals prioritize emotional connections over superficial relationships as they age, focusing on what truly matters in their lives.
#childhood
Parenting
fromSilicon Canals
21 hours agoPsychology suggests people who grew up in the 1960s and 1970s developed their emotional durability the way bone develops density - not through protection from impact but through repeated, low-level, unsupervised exposure to it, and the generation that resulted is not tougher because they were stronger to begin with, they are tougher because the childhood kept asking something of them and they kept answering - Silicon Canals
Generational differences in childhood experiences highlight resilience built through independence and manageable challenges without adult intervention.
Parenting
fromSilicon Canals
3 days agoChildren raised in the 1960s and 70s developed their resilience the same way muscle develops under resistance - not by being protected from the load but by being required to carry it, repeatedly, without assistance, until the carrying became the unremarkable default rather than the exceptional achievement - Silicon Canals
Independence and resilience were fostered in children of the '60s and '70s through unstructured play and learning from failure.
#aging
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
2 days agoPsychology says people who slowly become unpleasant to be around as they get older didn't develop new flaws - they lost the motivation to manage the old ones, and the management, it turns out, was doing considerably more work than anyone around them understood while it was still running - Silicon Canals
People don't become worse with age; they simply stop managing their flaws as their energy to do so diminishes.
Mental health
fromSilicon Canals
5 days agoPsychology says the reason aging people feel like they don't matter isn't about what they've lost - it's that society defines mattering as productivity and visibility, and the moment you step outside those narrow roles, your value becomes invisible even to people who love you - Silicon Canals
Retirement and aging can lead to feelings of invisibility and worthlessness due to society's narrow definitions of productivity.
Parenting
fromSilicon Canals
4 days agoThe most painful thing about watching a parent age isn't the physical decline. It's the moment you catch them deferring to you on a decision they would have made without hesitation ten years ago, and you both feel the transfer of authority that neither of you agreed to. - Silicon Canals
The real challenge of aging parents lies in the subtle shifts of authority and uncertainty in their decision-making.
Parenting
fromSilicon Canals
1 week agoThe hardest part of watching your parents age isn't the decline. It's the moment you realize you've become the adult in the room and nobody appointed you and there's no one above you anymore. - Silicon Canals
Watching parents age reveals uncomfortable truths and shifts the balance of power in family dynamics, leading to unexpected responsibilities and existential challenges.
Relationships
fromSilicon Canals
3 days agoThere's a generation of men who were taught that providing was the same as loving. And there's a generation of their children who spent years in therapy learning that those aren't the same thing, only to reach an age where they finally understand that for their fathers, inside the architecture they were given, it was. - Silicon Canals
Emotional estrangement between fathers and children stems from generational differences in expressing love and vulnerability.
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
2 days agoThe hardest part of growing up lower middle class wasn't the lack of money. It was learning to want things quietly, because visible desire in a household running on tight margins felt like an accusation against the people who were already giving everything they had. - Silicon Canals
Emotional training around scarcity shapes behavior in lower middle class childhoods, teaching children to suppress desires to avoid adding stress to their families.
Relationships
fromSilicon Canals
4 days agoI'm 73 and my husband asked me what makes me happy and I gave him the answer I thought he wanted to hear - our kids, our grandkids, our home - but the real answer is I genuinely don't know anymore because I've spent forty years editing my joy to fit other people's expectations - Silicon Canals
Editing joy to fit others' expectations can lead to losing sight of what truly makes one happy.
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
2 days agoPsychology suggests people who adopt their parents' bad traits as they get older aren't becoming their parents - they're reverting to the most deeply installed operating system they have, the one that was running before they were old enough to choose a different one, and stress, age, and the slow erosion of self-monitoring are simply the conditions under which it boots back up - Silicon Canals
Behavioral patterns from childhood can resurface under stress, revealing deep-rooted psychological templates formed from early experiences.
Relationships
fromSilicon Canals
6 days agoI'm 66 and my wife Donna pointed out that I fix things around the house the morning after every argument. Not because I'm avoiding the conversation. Because in my family, repair was always physical. You didn't say sorry. You replaced the broken shelf. You re-grouted the tiles. You showed up with actions because words were a foreign language nobody in the house had learned to speak. - Silicon Canals
Apologies can be structural actions rather than just verbal expressions, especially for men raised in environments where emotions were not openly discussed.
Retirement
fromBuzzFeed
4 weeks ago32 Older People Are Sharing The Issues They Face That Aren't Talked About Enough
Older Americans face overlooked challenges including disrespect from younger generations, lack of formal address etiquette, and senior women experiencing homelessness due to insufficient retirement savings and inflation.
#grandparent-caregiving
Canada news
fromBusiness Insider
1 month agoI'm 63 and raising four of my grandchildren. Money is very tight, and I haven't once thought about retiring.
A 63-year-old grandmother in Canada's Yukon Territory is raising four grandchildren while working full-time with no retirement plan, after her daughters struggled with addiction and were unable to care for their children.
Parenting
fromBusiness Insider
3 weeks agoI'm raising my grandson alone in my 70s and can't afford to retire. With gas prices rising, I worry about finances every day.
A 73-year-old grandmother in Alabama works full-time and raises her 14-year-old grandson alone, unable to retire as her Social Security covers housing and rising expenses deplete her savings.
Canada news
fromBusiness Insider
1 month agoI'm 63 and raising four of my grandchildren. Money is very tight, and I haven't once thought about retiring.
A 63-year-old grandmother in Canada's Yukon Territory is raising four grandchildren while working full-time with no retirement plan, after her daughters struggled with addiction and were unable to care for their children.
Parenting
fromBusiness Insider
3 weeks agoI'm raising my grandson alone in my 70s and can't afford to retire. With gas prices rising, I worry about finances every day.
A 73-year-old grandmother in Alabama works full-time and raises her 14-year-old grandson alone, unable to retire as her Social Security covers housing and rising expenses deplete her savings.
Relationships
fromSilicon Canals
1 week agoPeople who were always the strong one in the family often become the loneliest person in the room after 65. Every link must be real and accurate - Silicon Canals
Being the strong one in a family can lead to profound loneliness in later life due to a lack of emotional reciprocity.
#aging-parents
Relationships
fromSilicon Canals
1 week agoPsychology says the reason you feel both love and resentment toward aging parents is because you're living in two timelines simultaneously - honoring who they were while managing who they are, and your heart doesn't know which version to grieve first - Silicon Canals
Love and resentment towards aging parents are common emotional responses, not signs of a broken relationship.
Relationships
fromSilicon Canals
1 week agoPsychology says the reason you feel both love and resentment toward aging parents is because you're living in two timelines simultaneously - honoring who they were while managing who they are, and your heart doesn't know which version to grieve first - Silicon Canals
Love and resentment towards aging parents are common emotional responses, not signs of a broken relationship.
Mental health
fromSilicon Canals
3 weeks agoPsychology says older parents who say "I don't want to be a burden" aren't being selfless-they're performing the only version of dignity they were ever taught, one where needing people is a failure, and their children hear humility but what's actually happening is a person rehearsing their own disappearance - Silicon Canals
Older adults' statements about not wanting to be burdens reflect deeply ingrained generational values about independence and dignity rather than genuine selflessness or consideration.
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
3 weeks agoI raised my younger siblings more than I parented my own children because by the time I had kids I'd already used up something - a patience, a vigilance, a willingness to carry - that most new parents still have fresh. And nobody in my family has ever connected those two things. - Silicon Canals
Parentification—when children assume adult caregiving responsibilities prematurely—depletes emotional resources that affect their capacity for parenting their own children later in life.
US news
fromHuffPost
1 month agoNancy Guthrie's Disappearance Highlights A Common Issue For People With Aging Parents - And We Don't Talk About It Enough
Nancy Guthrie, 84, vanished after being dropped at her Tucson home on Jan. 31; investigators believe she was taken and her family urgently seeks tips and her return.
fromBusiness Insider
1 month agoI used to think living at home as an adult meant going backward. Losing my dad made me realize I was wrong.
Living with family as an adult is often framed as a "failure to launch," but navigating grief at home with my mom and younger sister helped me rethink growth. Living at home in my 20s wasn't easy at first, but after my dad died, living together became a lifeline that transformed my understanding of what adulthood truly means.
Relationships
Parenting
fromBusiness Insider
3 weeks agoMy twins go to preschool at a nursing home. Its taught them about empathy and grief.
An intergenerational preschool program prioritizing empathy and community connection with seniors develops children's social-emotional skills beyond traditional academic readiness measures.
fromPsychology Today
3 weeks agoGrandparenting Today in the Age of AI
Grandparenting today means navigating a parenting landscape that's changing faster than ever. From sleep training debates to screen-time guidelines, advice evolves quickly-and it can be hard to know when to speak up and when to step back. Thoughtfully used, artificial intelligence (AI) can be a quiet ally for grandparents, helping you stay current with evidence-based parenting guidance, sort through worries before they escalate, and choose language that supports rather than undermines your adult children.
Parenting
Relationships
fromSilicon Canals
1 month agoThe real reason your aging mother insists on sending you home with food every time you visit isn't habit - those containers are the only thing she can still give you that you'll actually accept and every one you return empty is proof she's still needed - Silicon Canals
Parents often use giving food and leftovers as a tangible way to continue caregiving and preserve purpose when their adult children become independent.
fromSilicon Canals
4 weeks agoI asked a group of grandparents what they know now that would have made them better parents and the room went so quiet I thought I'd asked the wrong question - and then one woman said something that made three people cry, and what she said was only nine words long - Silicon Canals
I should have said 'I don't know' more often. That woman's nine words unlocked something in the room. Suddenly everyone wanted to talk about the exhausting performance of parental certainty they'd maintained for decades.
Parenting
Parenting
fromSilicon Canals
1 month ago9 quiet things the best grandparents do that have nothing to do with spoiling-and the one their grandchildren remember most vividly as adults is always the smallest - Silicon Canals
Grandparents create lasting impact through presence, patience, and consistent rituals rather than material gifts or solutions.
Relationships
fromwww.mercurynews.com
1 month agoDear Abby: I said I was sorry about my text, but they still won't let me see my grandchild
A grandmother was excluded from seeing her grandchildren after sending an angry text; apologies didn't restore access, and reconciliation may require accepting limited control.
Relationships
fromBusiness Insider
2 months agoI raised my grandchildren after my daughter and son-in-law died. Now 87, it wasn't how I expected retirement to be.
An 87-year-old raised her grandchildren after both parents died while still working, facing emotional strain and generational caregiving challenges.
fromSilicon Canals
2 months ago9 habits of grandparents who build unbreakable habits with their grandchildren - Silicon Canals
When I was eight, my grandmother taught me how to make her famous apple pie. But it wasn't really about the pie. Every Saturday afternoon, we'd stand side by side in her kitchen, her weathered hands guiding mine as we rolled out dough. She'd tell stories about her childhood, ask about my week at school, and somehow make me feel like the most important person in the world.
Relationships
fromHuffPost
2 months agoThe Surprising Reactions Grandparents Have To Modern Parenting Trends
"My kids are so invested in their children it's beautiful! They use gentle parenting techniques, even with challenging personalities; provide them with healthy outlets and nurture their friends as well. They're 100% better than I was - but I had to do it alone with five children. I'd choose my kid's parenting over mine, every time!" - Anne W.
Relationships
fromBusiness Insider
1 month agoI'm raising my four-year-old granddaughter on my own in my 60s. I expect to work until I die.
This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Dorenne Simonson, 66, who is her granddaughter's kinship care provider in New Jersey. Simonson has parented her since she was two months old. This interview has been edited for length and clarity. I've always been in a situation where I had to spend whatever I made. There's no retirement account when you're single and raise five kids by yourself.
Parenting
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