#grandparent-discipline
#grandparent-discipline

1 hour ago

Was I Ever Really Young?

Youth is characterized by openness and curiosity, which can be cultivated at any age through conscious choices.

Nobody teaches children how to know their own worth - we teach them to perform, to achieve, and to behave, and then wonder why so many adults reach fifty still measuring themselves against someone else's ruler - Silicon Canals

Self-worth is inherent and not based on achievements or external validation.

Psychology says people who feel successful at 50 aren't the ones who achieved the most - they're the ones who stopped measuring their worth against an imaginary scoreboard they inherited at 23 - Silicon Canals

Measuring worth against inherited societal scorecards leads to disappointment and a distorted sense of success.

5 hours ago

Nobody teaches children how to know their own worth - we teach them to perform, to achieve, and to behave, and then wonder why so many adults reach fifty still measuring themselves against someone else's ruler - Silicon Canals

Self-worth is inherent and not based on achievements or external validation.

Psychology says people who feel successful at 50 aren't the ones who achieved the most - they're the ones who stopped measuring their worth against an imaginary scoreboard they inherited at 23 - Silicon Canals

Measuring worth against inherited societal scorecards leads to disappointment and a distorted sense of success.

There's a generation of men who were taught that providing was the same as loving. And there's a generation of their children who spent years in therapy learning that those aren't the same thing, only to reach an age where they finally understand that for their fathers, inside the architecture they were given, it was. - Silicon Canals

Emotional estrangement between fathers and children stems from generational differences in expressing love and vulnerability.

Start Strong But Never Finish? 4 Causes and 4 Solutions

Starting strong and quitting is common due to tedium, poor planning, and discouragement; recognizing patterns and seeking support can help overcome this.

fromThe Local France

French teen admits killing her grandparents over relationship feud: prosecutors

The girl had told investigators she had planned the killings, and that her boyfriend had 'agreed to take part'.

France news

Mindfulness

fromBuzzFeed

21 Less Obvious Young Person Habits That Can Silently Harm People Later In Life

Constant availability to others is psychologically damaging and undermines personal boundaries.

#grandparenting

NYC parents

I started raising my grandson just a few months into my retirement. My wife and I want to give him a good life, but it's financially draining.

Martin Odum and his wife are raising their grandson Noah, who has spina bifida, after previously raising their granddaughter.

Something happens to a man's face when he holds his grandchild for the first time that is different from the face he made when he held his own child - and the difference is visible in these 8 ways, and every one of them traces to something he now knows that he didn't know the first time - Silicon Canals

Grandparents hold babies with visible calm and confidence gained from successfully raising children, showing relaxed eyes, fewer worry lines, and genuine presence compared to anxious first-time parents.

Relationships

7 signs your adult children see you as free childcare instead of grandparents who deserve respect and boundaries - Silicon Canals

Relationships

I'm a psychologist and grandmother of 6. Here are 6 ways grandparents can build better relationships with their kids and grandkids.

Relationships

If you want your grandchildren to actually like you, stop these 9 grandparent behaviors - Silicon Canals

Parenting

I've got all the parenting skills. I just don't use them when I care for my grandkids.

NYC parents

I started raising my grandson just a few months into my retirement. My wife and I want to give him a good life, but it's financially draining.

Martin Odum and his wife are raising their grandson Noah, who has spina bifida, after previously raising their granddaughter.

Something happens to a man's face when he holds his grandchild for the first time that is different from the face he made when he held his own child - and the difference is visible in these 8 ways, and every one of them traces to something he now knows that he didn't know the first time - Silicon Canals

Relationships

7 signs your adult children see you as free childcare instead of grandparents who deserve respect and boundaries - Silicon Canals

Relationships

I'm a psychologist and grandmother of 6. Here are 6 ways grandparents can build better relationships with their kids and grandkids.

Relationships

If you want your grandchildren to actually like you, stop these 9 grandparent behaviors - Silicon Canals

Parenting

I've got all the parenting skills. I just don't use them when I care for my grandkids.

Tough it out' was the only emotional instruction a whole generation of men ever received - and now they're sitting in retirement wondering why their body aches and nobody calls - Silicon Canals

Retirement brings a realization of emotional neglect and the need for deeper connections among men.

I grew up in the 1970s and the closest thing I had to therapy was my uncle telling me to 'walk it off' after I broke my collarbone - and that phrase became my entire emotional philosophy for the next fifty years - Silicon Canals

Some emotional wounds cannot be healed by simply ignoring them; they require acknowledgment and processing.

Retirement

Tough it out' was the only emotional instruction a whole generation of men ever received - and now they're sitting in retirement wondering why their body aches and nobody calls - Silicon Canals

Retirement brings a realization of emotional neglect and the need for deeper connections among men.

I grew up in the 1970s and the closest thing I had to therapy was my uncle telling me to 'walk it off' after I broke my collarbone - and that phrase became my entire emotional philosophy for the next fifty years - Silicon Canals

Some emotional wounds cannot be healed by simply ignoring them; they require acknowledgment and processing.

more#emotional-health

Social justice

The Children Are Always Ours

Grieving and compassion for suffering children can inspire meaningful action to protect them.

Brooklyn

fromConde Nast Traveler

My Dad Can't Travel Like He Used to, but Slowing Down Doesn't Mean Stopping

A journey through Indonesia showcases the challenges and joys of traveling with a parent facing mobility issues.

Education

Building Perseverance: How to Raise Children Who Stick with It

Children's lack of follow-through is often due to underdeveloped perseverance skills, not laziness or lack of intelligence.

3 hours ago

The hardest thing about being the calm one in a family is that your steadiness becomes load-bearing. Everyone leans on it, nobody asks what holds it up, and the day you finally crack, people don't comfort you. They panic. Because your collapse threatens the architecture, and the architecture was always more important than you were. - Silicon Canals

The calm family member often bears the burden of emotional labor, managing others' feelings while suppressing their own.

5 hours ago

Coercive Control: How Predatory Parents Fracture Attachment

Coercive control weaponizes children against protective parents, causing deep psychological harm and undermining secure attachments essential for healthy development.

I'm 73 and my husband asked me what makes me happy and I gave him the answer I thought he wanted to hear - our kids, our grandkids, our home - but the real answer is I genuinely don't know anymore because I've spent forty years editing my joy to fit other people's expectations - Silicon Canals

Editing joy to fit others' expectations can lead to losing sight of what truly makes one happy.

Retirement

Psychologists explain that people who feel neglected in retirement aren't necessarily being ignored - they're experiencing the sudden absence of the role-based relationships that made them feel valued for forty years - Silicon Canals

Retirement can lead to feelings of invisibility and loss of identity as relationships formed at work fade away.

NYC parents

fromBig Think

The quiet disappearance of the free-range childhood

Child protective services investigated a couple after their son rode his scooter to a nearby playground alone, leading to a finding of neglect.

Philosophy

fromApaonline

Let Kids Be Kids? The Ethics of Maximizing Children's Talents

Children are increasingly pushed to maximize their athletic talent from a very young age, often at the expense of social and academic development.

17 hours ago

Psychology says the reason older people stop caring isn't emotional withdrawal - it's that they've finally learned to distinguish between what actually matters and what they were only caring about out of social obligation - Silicon Canals

Older individuals prioritize emotional connections over superficial relationships as they age, focusing on what truly matters in their lives.

My Daughter Made an Honest Mistake While Babysitting Her Cousins. My Sister Is Taking It Too Far.

Beatrice should take responsibility for her actions and communicate with her aunt about the incident.

When Your Adult Child Says 'I Hate You' and Then Wants Money

Emotional outbursts from adult children often stem from overload, and parents should change their responses to reset dynamics.

Psychology says parents who can't stop helping their adult children aren't being loving - they're unconsciously protecting themselves from the terror of becoming unnecessary - Silicon Canals

Parental overinvolvement may stem from a fear of irrelevance rather than solely from love.

Relationships

7 Words Adult Children Say Before Cutting Off Parents

I'm 66 and I recently told my son that I was proud of him for the first time in his adult life, and the look on his face told me everything about the cost of assuming that providing for someone communicates the same thing as telling them they matter - Silicon Canals

Verbal expressions of pride are crucial for emotional connection between parents and children.

Psychology says the 1960s and 70s accidentally produced one of the most emotionally durable generations in modern history - not through better parenting but through benign neglect that forced children to develop internal regulation instead of waiting for adult intervention - Silicon Canals

Children in the 70s thrived on unstructured play and minimal parental intervention, fostering independence and problem-solving skills.

My Daughter Made an Honest Mistake While Babysitting Her Cousins. My Sister Is Taking It Too Far.

Beatrice should take responsibility for her actions and communicate with her aunt about the incident.

When Your Adult Child Says 'I Hate You' and Then Wants Money

Emotional outbursts from adult children often stem from overload, and parents should change their responses to reset dynamics.

Psychology says parents who can't stop helping their adult children aren't being loving - they're unconsciously protecting themselves from the terror of becoming unnecessary - Silicon Canals

Parental overinvolvement may stem from a fear of irrelevance rather than solely from love.

7 Words Adult Children Say Before Cutting Off Parents

Disconnection often begins quietly, with feelings of not being understood leading to significant relationship breakdowns.

I'm 66 and I recently told my son that I was proud of him for the first time in his adult life, and the look on his face told me everything about the cost of assuming that providing for someone communicates the same thing as telling them they matter - Silicon Canals

Verbal expressions of pride are crucial for emotional connection between parents and children.

Psychology says the 1960s and 70s accidentally produced one of the most emotionally durable generations in modern history - not through better parenting but through benign neglect that forced children to develop internal regulation instead of waiting for adult intervention - Silicon Canals

Children in the 70s thrived on unstructured play and minimal parental intervention, fostering independence and problem-solving skills.

I Don't Let Anyone I Date Meet My Parents. That's Not a Red Flag. I Have a Very Good Reason Why.

Some individuals avoid introducing partners to difficult family members to protect them from negative experiences.

Relationships

My parents spent all their money on my sister's rehab now they want me to pay for it. How do I say no?

You are always allowed to say no, prioritizing your own family and well-being is not a betrayal.

I Don't Let Anyone I Date Meet My Parents. That's Not a Red Flag. I Have a Very Good Reason Why.

Some individuals avoid introducing partners to difficult family members to protect them from negative experiences.

My parents spent all their money on my sister's rehab now they want me to pay for it. How do I say no?

You are always allowed to say no, prioritizing your own family and well-being is not a betrayal.

Psychology says the reason aging people feel like they don't matter isn't about what they've lost - it's that society defines mattering as productivity and visibility, and the moment you step outside those narrow roles, your value becomes invisible even to people who love you - Silicon Canals

Retirement and aging can lead to feelings of invisibility and worthlessness due to society's narrow definitions of productivity.

The most painful thing about watching a parent age isn't the physical decline. It's the moment you catch them deferring to you on a decision they would have made without hesitation ten years ago, and you both feel the transfer of authority that neither of you agreed to. - Silicon Canals

The real challenge of aging parents lies in the subtle shifts of authority and uncertainty in their decision-making.

Psychology says people who slowly become unpleasant to be around as they get older didn't develop new flaws - they lost the motivation to manage the old ones, and the management, it turns out, was doing considerably more work than anyone around them understood while it was still running - Silicon Canals

People don't become worse with age; they simply stop managing their flaws as their energy to do so diminishes.

Psychology says the reason aging people feel like they don't matter isn't about what they've lost - it's that society defines mattering as productivity and visibility, and the moment you step outside those narrow roles, your value becomes invisible even to people who love you - Silicon Canals

Retirement and aging can lead to feelings of invisibility and worthlessness due to society's narrow definitions of productivity.

The most painful thing about watching a parent age isn't the physical decline. It's the moment you catch them deferring to you on a decision they would have made without hesitation ten years ago, and you both feel the transfer of authority that neither of you agreed to. - Silicon Canals

The real challenge of aging parents lies in the subtle shifts of authority and uncertainty in their decision-making.

Psychology says people who slowly become unpleasant to be around as they get older didn't develop new flaws - they lost the motivation to manage the old ones, and the management, it turns out, was doing considerably more work than anyone around them understood while it was still running - Silicon Canals

People don't become worse with age; they simply stop managing their flaws as their energy to do so diminishes.

People who clean before the cleaner arrives, apologize when someone bumps into them, and pre-explain before anyone has asked for a justification all grew up in homes where taking up space without earning it first was treated as an act of aggression. - Silicon Canals

Cleaning before the cleaner reflects a deeper issue of feeling unworthy of help without prior justification.

I Told My Friend Some Private Things About My Wife. Now I'm in Big Trouble.

Maintaining long-term friendships can be challenging when past grievances affect perceptions in a marriage.

Psychology suggests people who adopt their parents' bad traits as they get older aren't becoming their parents - they're reverting to the most deeply installed operating system they have, the one that was running before they were old enough to choose a different one, and stress, age, and the slow erosion of self-monitoring are simply the conditions under which it boots back up - Silicon Canals

Behavioral patterns from childhood can resurface under stress, revealing deep-rooted psychological templates formed from early experiences.

The Day I Realized My Son Wasn't Defiant, He Was Ashamed

Understanding a child's emotional state is crucial; shame can manifest as feelings of worthlessness, impacting behavior and communication.

I'm 66 and my wife Donna pointed out that I fix things around the house the morning after every argument. Not because I'm avoiding the conversation. Because in my family, repair was always physical. You didn't say sorry. You replaced the broken shelf. You re-grouted the tiles. You showed up with actions because words were a foreign language nobody in the house had learned to speak. - Silicon Canals

Apologies can be structural actions rather than just verbal expressions, especially for men raised in environments where emotions were not openly discussed.

What Estranged Parents Wish Others Understood

Estrangement from adult children creates a unique, unresolved grief for parents, marked by ambiguity and a lack of social recognition.

Most people don't realize that children who grow up without affection don't struggle with love as adults. They struggle with trusting it, because it never felt safe to depend on - Silicon Canals

Emotional unavailability stems from a lack of early affection, leading to difficulties in accepting love despite an inherent capacity for it.

Children raised in the 1960s and 70s developed their resilience the same way muscle develops under resistance - not by being protected from the load but by being required to carry it, repeatedly, without assistance, until the carrying became the unremarkable default rather than the exceptional achievement - Silicon Canals

Independence and resilience were fostered in children of the '60s and '70s through unstructured play and learning from failure.

Children who were praised for being smart rather than for working hard often become adults who avoid challenges - not from laziness but from a deep fear of being found ordinary - Silicon Canals

Praising children for being 'smart' can hinder their growth mindset and willingness to take risks.

I grew up with a mother who was physically there but emotionally unreachable - and the confusion that produced, the child's inability to grieve a parent who is standing right in front of them, is the thing I have spent the most years in therapy trying to untangle and the thing I understood least for the longest - Silicon Canals

Emotional absence from a present parent can lead to profound feelings of unworthiness in a child.

Behavioral scientists found that the people who become less likeable with age but more respected are operating on a principle most people understand intellectually but can't execute emotionally - that respect and likeability are often inversely correlated after 60, because likeability requires you to shrink and respect requires you to hold your shape, and most people spent their first six decades shrinking and their last two deciding that holding their shape matters more than fitting into someone else's fra

Standing up for oneself can lead to decreased likability, but it is a necessary part of emotional maturity and self-respect.

fromFast Company

Parents: A valuable source of AI intelligence

AI-assisted parenting tools are being developed by parents who understand the real challenges of childcare.

9 subtle behaviors that reveal someone grew up in a household where money was discussed in whispers, and why those behaviors persist long after financial security has arrived - Silicon Canals

Financial behaviors are shaped by early experiences and trauma, not just knowledge or information gaps about money.

Two Signs You're Raising a Hyper-Sensitive Child

Parenting requires understanding and support for emotionally sensitive children who may react more intensely to situations than their peers.

fromScary Mommy

Is Your Kid's Friend A Good Influence? Experts Share 6 Green Flags

Positive friendships build confidence and happiness in children, providing essential support throughout their development.

Psychology says the reason you feel both love and resentment toward aging parents is because you're living in two timelines simultaneously - honoring who they were while managing who they are, and your heart doesn't know which version to grieve first - Silicon Canals

Love and resentment towards aging parents are common emotional responses, not signs of a broken relationship.

Parenting

My parents are in their 60s and watching them begin to slow down is the first thing in my adult life that research can't help me process - Silicon Canals

1 week ago

Psychology says the reason you feel both love and resentment toward aging parents is because you're living in two timelines simultaneously - honoring who they were while managing who they are, and your heart doesn't know which version to grieve first - Silicon Canals

Love and resentment towards aging parents are common emotional responses, not signs of a broken relationship.

Parenting

My parents are in their 60s and watching them begin to slow down is the first thing in my adult life that research can't help me process - Silicon Canals

6 Types of Leadership and Parenting Styles: What's Yours?

Leadership styles in work and parenting vary, with a balanced approach being the most effective for clear expectations and support.

Psychology says older parents who say "I don't want to be a burden" aren't being selfless-they're performing the only version of dignity they were ever taught, one where needing people is a failure, and their children hear humility but what's actually happening is a person rehearsing their own disappearance - Silicon Canals

Older adults' statements about not wanting to be burdens reflect deeply ingrained generational values about independence and dignity rather than genuine selflessness or consideration.

Healing From Our Trauma Helps Shape Future Generations

Healing breaks generational trauma patterns and transforms relational dynamics and biology.

2 weeks ago

My Needy Aunt Is Back in My Life. Now She's Got Her Eyes on My Daughter.

Navigating family relationships can be challenging, especially when expectations and memories differ between generations.

I raised my younger siblings more than I parented my own children because by the time I had kids I'd already used up something - a patience, a vigilance, a willingness to carry - that most new parents still have fresh. And nobody in my family has ever connected those two things. - Silicon Canals

Parentification—when children assume adult caregiving responsibilities prematurely—depletes emotional resources that affect their capacity for parenting their own children later in life.

Parental Burnout Is a Social Problem, Not a Personal Failure

Parental burnout has reached unprecedented levels, with over 40% of parents feeling exhausted and overwhelmed daily.

First Steps for Stepparents

Creating a positive bond with stepchildren is the first task for new stepparents.

#generational-patterns

Relationships

I raised my kids the way my father raised me - present for the big moments and missing for the small ones - and now I watch my son doing the same thing and don't know how to speak without saying everything at once - Silicon Canals

Generational patterns of prioritizing work over family relationships perpetuate through modeling, creating cycles that are difficult to break without conscious awareness and intervention.

Psychology says adult children who feel guilty about setting limits with their parents aren't being ungrateful - they're trying to break a pattern that was never supposed to reach them in the first place - Silicon Canals

Guilt from parental boundaries stems from inherited generational patterns, not ingratitude, and understanding these cycles enables healthier adult relationships with parents.

Relationships

I raised my kids the way my father raised me - present for the big moments and missing for the small ones - and now I watch my son doing the same thing and don't know how to speak without saying everything at once - Silicon Canals

more#generational-patterns

Psychology says adult children who feel guilty about setting limits with their parents aren't being ungrateful - they're trying to break a pattern that was never supposed to reach them in the first place - Silicon Canals

Guilt from parental boundaries stems from inherited generational patterns, not ingratitude, and understanding these cycles enables healthier adult relationships with parents.

Psychology says the families where nothing was ever discussed are the ones producing the adults who can't stop talking about everything - and both generations think the other one is the problem - Silicon Canals

Families that suppress meaningful conversation often produce adults who compulsively overshare, as a reaction to years of being unheard and emotionally dismissed.

4 weeks ago

Are Your Parents Still Treating You Like a Child?

Adult children feel micromanaged by parents who haven't adapted their parenting approach, driven by parental worry and need for connection; redefining their role rather than pushing them away resolves the conflict.

My boomer father has never once asked me how I'm really doing - he asks about my job, my car, my house, my kids - and I've realized he isn't avoiding depth on purpose, he simply wasn't taught that his child might need something from him that isn't practical, and that gap is where our entire relationship quietly breaks down - Silicon Canals

Men raised to prioritize practical provision over emotional connection often lack skills to engage in meaningful personal conversations with their children.

fromScary Mommy

2 weeks ago

Before It's Too Late, One Reddit Mom Wants You To Do These Things With Your Parents

Document your parents' everyday moments, voices, and skills through simple recordings and videos before it's too late, as these ordinary memories become irreplaceable.

2 weeks ago

My Mom Wants to Know Where I Am at All Times. My Age Makes This Ridiculous.

An adult child must establish firm boundaries with an overprotective mother by limiting information shared and refusing to engage in circular arguments about safety.

fromHuffPost

The 1 Grandparent Who Has The Biggest Impact On Kids

Investment from maternal grandmothers protects grandchildren from negative emotional and behavioral effects of multiple adverse early-life experiences.

4 weeks ago

I asked a group of grandparents what they know now that would have made them better parents and the room went so quiet I thought I'd asked the wrong question - and then one woman said something that made three people cry, and what she said was only nine words long - Silicon Canals

I should have said 'I don't know' more often. That woman's nine words unlocked something in the room. Suddenly everyone wanted to talk about the exhausting performance of parental certainty they'd maintained for decades.

Parenting

fromHuffPost

Study Says Your Mom May Feel Closer To Her Grandkids Than To You. Here's Why.

Grandmothers show greater emotional-empathy neural activation toward grandchildren and greater cognitive-empathy neural activation toward their adult children.

fromwww.mercurynews.com

Dear Abby: I said I was sorry about my text, but they still won't let me see my grandchild

A grandmother was excluded from seeing her grandchildren after sending an angry text; apologies didn't restore access, and reconciliation may require accepting limited control.

fromHuffPost

The Surprising Reactions Grandparents Have To Modern Parenting Trends

"My kids are so invested in their children it's beautiful! They use gentle parenting techniques, even with challenging personalities; provide them with healthy outlets and nurture their friends as well. They're 100% better than I was - but I had to do it alone with five children. I'd choose my kid's parenting over mine, every time!" - Anne W.

Relationships

#grandparents

Parenting

7 things emotionally intelligent grandparents say to their grandchildren that parents often forget to - Silicon Canals

Relationships

People who maintain close bonds with adult grandchildren always practiced these 8 habits when they were young - Silicon Canals

Parenting

7 things emotionally intelligent grandparents say to their grandchildren that parents often forget to - Silicon Canals

Relationships

People who maintain close bonds with adult grandchildren always practiced these 8 habits when they were young - Silicon Canals

more#grandparents

9 habits of grandparents who build unbreakable habits with their grandchildren - Silicon Canals

When I was eight, my grandmother taught me how to make her famous apple pie. But it wasn't really about the pie. Every Saturday afternoon, we'd stand side by side in her kitchen, her weathered hands guiding mine as we rolled out dough. She'd tell stories about her childhood, ask about my week at school, and somehow make me feel like the most important person in the world.

Relationships

fromThe Atlantic

The Father-Daughter Divide

Growing up, Melissa Shultz sometimes felt like she had two fathers. One version of her dad, she told me, was playful and quick to laugh. He was a compelling storyteller who helped shape her career as a writer, and he gave great bear hugs. He often bought her small gifts: a pink "princess" phone when she was a teen, toys for her sons when she became a mom.

Relationships

3 Things Parents Do to Lose Respect From Adult Children

Anxious overinvolvement—overthinking, over-reassurance, and unsolicited problem-solving—erodes respect and makes adult children feel pressured.

My Mother-in-Law Put My Kids in Danger Because "That's How They Did It in Her Day." I'm Seeing Red.

Children must use appropriate car and booster seats for safety; caregivers, including grandparents, must comply and parents should enforce nonnegotiable boundaries.

fromScary Mommy