For one human being to love another: that is perhaps the most difficult of all our tasks, the ultimate, the last test and proof, the work for which all other work is but preparation.
In the afternoon of life, one had to find that meaning from within. This realization struck the author profoundly upon retirement, when all external markers of identity—job sites, customers, crew management—vanished, leaving only the question of personal identity stripped of professional achievement and external validation.
When you grow up in a house where nobody says what they're feeling, you become hypervigilant to every shift in mood, every sigh, every slammed cabinet door. You had to. It was survival. As an adult, this translates into constantly scanning your partner's face for micro-expressions, analyzing their tone for hidden meanings. You think you're being perceptive, but here's the thing: you're often projecting your childhood experiences onto completely different situations.
Plato's choice of this word is deliberate. He is not describing neutral carriers. He is describing people whose job is manufacturing a convincing reality for an audience that cannot see behind the curtain. Here is what matters clinically: the conjurers are not necessarily villains. They may be devoted parents, conscientious teachers, or well-meaning community leaders.
Childhood patterns of beliefs, behaviors, and emotions are easily introduced to our young, malleable psyches through immediate family members, relatives, teachers, clergy, and coaches who present prescribed ways to live. The beliefs we inherit describe convictions about religion, work, money, and relationships, including how to relate to emotions through either suppression or expression.
Attention is the brain's filtering mechanism; what passes through that filter is what gets encoded. What gets encoded becomes memory. And memory is the raw material of identity. So in the architecture of your identity, attention is the doorway.
been ignored, neglected, minimized, or dismissed by mainstream psychology but can no longer be denied or avoided without serious consequences. As C.G. Jung (1961) presciently put it, "Today we need psychology for reasons that involve our very existence. . . . We stand face to face with the terrible question of evil and do not even know what is before us let alone what to pit against it."
In a recent talk in Zurich, German psychoanalyst Konstantin Roessler surveyed the current state of dream research. Tracing some of the earlier scientific studies on dreams, he made a renewed case for the importance of dreams. Even formerly skeptical neuroscientists have now begun to see the meaning, purpose, and value of dreams for everyday life and overall psychic health. Dreams as Meaningless "Content"
Through therapy and a lot of self-reflection, I've discovered that those of us who were labeled "so independent" as children often carry specific patterns into our adult relationships. And here's the uncomfortable truth: most of these patterns aren't actually serving us well.
Metaphors are linked to how we experience the world around us, according to seminal work by researchers George Lakoff and Mark Johnson. In English, we "move forward" with our lives and don't "retreat into" the past. We speak about people who are "cold as ice" and "heavy" matters we need to resolve. Some of these metaphorical expressions are more than just, well, expressions-they are actually based on our sensory experiences. This mind-body link is called "embodied cognition."
I took a psychiatry class years ago, and during lectures my professor used to say, " We all have a diagnosis." We used to laugh at that. It sounded provocative. But what if he wasn't joking? What if diagnosis is not something "they" have, but something that exists on a spectrum we all live on? When we started our practice at a psychiatric facility, I saw an unsettling scene in the hallway.
Research on parentification - the process where children are forced into adult emotional roles - shows that many of the people we admire for their composure developed it as a survival mechanism. They weren't born calm. They were made calm, usually by environments where someone's emotional dysregulation demanded that a child become the steady one.
For most of my life, I thought of myself as a fixed entity: This is me. These are my traits. This is who I am. I assumed I was essentially that same person who loved sugary cereal at age 8, fried chicken at 12, and tequila at 21, and who still loves those things now, even if my stomach disagrees. But this is an illusion. Neuroscience, physics, and Buddhism all agree: There is nothing fixed about us-not even close.
For Plato, psyche meant something like what we'd now call mind -understood as a complex system requiring governance. The psyche had distinct parts: a reasoning part that deliberates, a spirited part that feels emotion and courage, and an appetitive part that desires. Each part has its own function and its own form of excellence. And crucially, these parts need to be governed-integrated under what Plato called constitutional self-rule.
When I was learning multiplication, my father showed me the "rule of 9." Multiply any number by 9, he said, and then add together the digits of the product, and you will always land on 9. 9 × 2 = 18 → 1 + 8 = 9 9 × 3 = 27 → 2 + 7 = 9 9 × 12 = 108 → 1 + 0 + 8 = 9 Every time, the addition came back to 9. It stimulated my curiosity.
Unfortunately, hypnosis has a negative reputation among the general public, in large part because of how it's been portrayed by the movie and entertainment industry. Also, I was aware that in the late 19th century there were many false positive and negative claims about hypnosis that soured the public on the possibility that hypnosis could be helpful. I did not want to create or add to a 21st-century perception that hypnosis was quackery, and therefore chose to withhold telling about some of the most amazing events that I had encountered with my patients when I first wrote about hypnosis, because these stories might have been too hard to believe.
Systematic developmental and neuro-phenomenological research is needed to understand childhood consciousness. Anyone who has spent time with young children knows they have a way of saying things that make you pause and reconsider what you thought you understood. Many report non-ordinary experiences-moments of "just knowing," feeling outside their bodies, or sensing a deep unity with the world around them. These accounts suggest a form of consciousness that is relational, pre-linguistic, and not yet organized around a solid, separate self.
It is easy to be good in a good world. What is difficult is to be good in an evil world, where the egoism of others and the egoism built into the institutions of society attack us and threaten to annihilate us. Under such conditions, the only possible reaction would seem to be to oppose evil with evil, egoism with egoism, hate with hate; in short, to annihilate the aggressor with his own weapons.
Breaking down the walls of denial in my DID system of parts has been anything but easy, but it has been necessary to thrive. I was sitting across the table from my closest friend from graduate school as we co-worked. She is also a mob daughter, but from a different lineage. We were discussing how only now, in 2026, am I fully grasping who my father actually was, despite beginning trauma-informed therapy in 2012 and spending a life savings to survive, understand, and heal.
As Valentine's Day approaches, we start enjoying images of ruby-red hearts, kisses, and holding hands-ideals of romantic love. But what happens the day or week after? For some, there are engagements and celebrations; for others, hurts, disappointments, breakups-some of those ruby-red hearts, broken or cracked. Lasting romance is built on a kind of love that requires more than sexy lingerie and roses; it needs trust, openness, and mutual acceptance.
Complementary research conducted mostly with cisgender sexual minority men suggests that those who are high on anxious attachment-those most worried that people will not love them or find them good enough-are generally more likely to have anal sex without using a condom (Starks et al., 2017; Starks & Parsons, 2014). In other words, guys who are worried that a boyfriend or partner will think they are not good enough are more likely to agree to have sex "bareback."
