#family-vs-duty

#family-vs-duty

Welsh and another pregnant colleague developed a plan. They would share a caseload, splitting responsibilities so they could continue working part-time while caring for their growing families.

"I met a friend who was published with Gill and told her about the book idea I had sitting on the shelf, and she told me to bring it to them."

I've always worked, even after having children, but like many women, I squeezed myself around my husband, Neil, who was the breadwinner, working in the insurance industry in London. Between having our two daughters, who are now 22 and 18, I became a stay-at-home mom. I looked after the children and the house, and managed to shoehorn my own part-time career as a counsellor and therapist around that.

My mother and late father sold vintage and secondhand items on auction sites for years to supplement their household budget. I taught my father to list online many years ago. I work two jobs and also freelance. I'm unmarried, in my 50s, live a half-hour drive away from the family home, and also commute one hour each way during the week. My 58-year-old brother lives with Mom. He was laid off just before the pandemic

He admires 'tiger parents.' He talks a lot about how the ideal parent is a strict disciplinarian, academically oriented, and pushes kids hard to set them up for future success. He thinks his teachers and his mom let him coast on his ADHD diagnosis, and vows that his kids will not 'get exceptions.' He thinks he would be more successful now if he'd had consistent parental pressure.

My boyfriend and I (we're both men) are both in our late 20s. We started dating in our last year of university and moved in together about a year after. He's very good at those in-demand tech and number-focused computer skills, so he already had good employment lined up before graduation. I struggled to find full-time work in my field, and worked part-time while doing the household cleaning, cooking, shopping, etc.

Growing up, Melissa Shultz sometimes felt like she had two fathers. One version of her dad, she told me, was playful and quick to laugh. He was a compelling storyteller who helped shape her career as a writer, and he gave great bear hugs. He often bought her small gifts: a pink "princess" phone when she was a teen, toys for her sons when she became a mom.

Ever notice how the biggest sacrifices we make for our families are often the ones that go completely unnoticed? I've been thinking about this lately, especially as I watch friends navigate their forties and fifties. These are the years when we're supposed to have it all figured out, right? Yet they're also when we quietly give up pieces of ourselves that nobody ever really talks about.

When I told people I was taking more than eight months of parental leave, the main reactions I got were: What are you going to do with all that time? and won't you get bored? These questions came from every direction including health professionals involved in my wife's pregnancy and the arrival of our second child. More than halfway through my leave, I've been reflecting on what good parental leave looks like: