#bystander-heroism
#bystander-heroism
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#mental-health #resilience #psychology #personal-growth #heroism #vulnerability #emotional-health #empathy
#kindness
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
2 weeks agoPeople who turned out genuinely kind despite a tough childhood didn't learn kindness - they absorbed its absence so completely that its presence became the one thing they couldn't withhold from anyone who needed it, not as a decision, but as the only response available to a person formed the way they were formed - Silicon Canals
Kindness often stems from experiencing adversity, leading to deep empathy rather than being solely a product of a nurturing environment.
Mental health
fromSilicon Canals
5 hours agoMost men who grew up in the 1960s and 70s were taught that admitting you needed help was a character flaw. Finally, we are discovering that openness has its own kind of strength. - Silicon Canals
Men are taught to suppress emotions, leading to loneliness and health issues.
#friendship
Relationships
fromSilicon Canals
8 hours agoPeople don't stay in friendships they've outgrown because they're weak - they stay because identity is bound up in being the kind of person who doesn't abandon people - Silicon Canals
People stay in outgrown friendships due to their identity being tied to the idea of not leaving, not out of cowardice or weakness.
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
2 days agoThere's a version of strength that only develops in people who had to figure out the rules of a place nobody explained to them. They don't talk about it because the people who had the rules handed to them wouldn't understand what was hard about it, and the people who also had to figure it out don't need the explanation. - Silicon Canals
Onsighting in climbing parallels navigating social systems, emphasizing perceptual capacity over resilience in understanding unwritten rules.
fromSilicon Canals
1 day agoThe reason some men never move forward in life has nothing to do with motivation or discipline - it's that they built their entire identity around a version of themselves that stopped being true years ago, and starting over feels like admitting it was all wasted - Silicon Canals
The identity had become so central to who I thought I was that letting it go felt like admitting that entire chapter of my life had been pointless.
Bootstrapping
#crisis-management
Mental health
fromSilicon Canals
3 days agoThe person who thrives during a crisis and falls apart during ordinary weeks isn't broken. Their entire operating system was built for emergencies, and peace registers as a system error because they never learned what competence feels like without urgency underneath it. - Silicon Canals
Crisis-thrivers are often dysregulated, struggling with normalcy after emergencies, revealing a deeper issue with their nervous system's response to stress.
Productivity
fromSilicon Canals
2 days agoThe workers most likely to burn out aren't always the ones doing the most - they're the ones who can't tell the difference between urgent and important - Silicon Canals
Workers overwhelmed by urgency rather than importance are more likely to experience burnout.
Mindfulness
fromSilicon Canals
1 day agoI turned 34 before I finally understood: no one is on their way to rescue you, no one is tallying your effort, and life doesn't wait for you to feel ready - it just keeps moving without you - Silicon Canals
Success is not guaranteed by effort alone; waiting for recognition can lead to disappointment.
Mental health
fromSilicon Canals
16 hours agoPsychology says people who check on everyone else during a crisis before acknowledging their own fear aren't selfless - they learned that being needed is the only form of safety their childhood ever reliably delivered - Silicon Canals
Composure in crises often masks unresolved childhood fears and the need to fulfill others' expectations.
London politics
fromwww.theguardian.com
5 days agoTwo years on from the Bondi Junction stabbings, eight courageous people will receive special bravery awards
Bravery awards were given to eight individuals, including Faraz Tahir, who responded heroically during a tragic stabbing incident at Bondi Junction.
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
1 day agoResearch suggests that people who say they prefer being alone aren't always telling the truth. Many of them preferred connection until it repeatedly disappointed them, and solitude became the story they told to make the disappointment portable. - Silicon Canals
Solitude is often misinterpreted as a preference, when it may actually be an adaptation to past relational failures.
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
1 day agoPsychology says the art of not caring what others think isn't something you decide to do one day - it's a quiet skill built over years of noticing how much of your life was being shaped by opinions of people who weren't actually paying attention to you in the first place - Silicon Canals
People overestimate how much others notice their actions and appearance, leading to unnecessary self-consciousness.
Mental health
fromSilicon Canals
2 days agoPeople who are excellent in emergencies and fall apart during ordinary weeks aren't wired wrong. Their nervous system was calibrated for crisis, and calm registers as the absence of signal rather than the presence of safety. They function brilliantly when the house is burning because fire is the only temperature that feels familiar. - Silicon Canals
The autonomic nervous system has a social engagement system that affects how individuals respond to stress and calm.
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
2 days agoPsychology says people who make others light up when they first meet them have usually known what it feels like to be overlooked - and instead of becoming bitter about it, they made a quiet decision at some point in their life that no one in their presence would ever feel that invisible again, and that choice is one of the most powerful things a human being can do with their own pain - Silicon Canals
Warm individuals often transform their experiences of invisibility into empathy, making others feel valued and seen.
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
2 days agoPsychology says the people who seem impossible to offend aren't thick-skinned. They decided long ago that showing hurt gives others a map they haven't earned, so they absorb the wound and reclassify it as information - Silicon Canals
Emotional toughness often masks deep sensitivity, leading individuals to absorb pain without showing it, as vulnerability can be weaponized by others.
#self-reliance
Mental health
fromSilicon Canals
2 days agoPsychology says people who describe themselves as self-sufficient aren't always describing a strength. Sometimes they're describing the scar tissue that formed where the need for other people used to be, and they've carried it so long they genuinely mistake the numbness for peace. - Silicon Canals
Self-reliance is often mistaken for strength, but true strength includes the ability to seek help and share vulnerabilities.
Mental health
fromSilicon Canals
3 days agoI'm 66 and I recently understood that the reason I find it so hard to ask for help is not independence - it is the very specific and very old belief that needing something from another person is the first step toward becoming a burden, and a burden, in the house I grew up in, was the one thing nobody was allowed to be - Silicon Canals
Independence can often mask fear, leading to a reluctance to ask for help and a belief that needing assistance is a weakness.
fromPsychology Today
2 weeks agoEmbracing the Warrior-Guardian Paradox in Modern Policing
The warrior and guardian are not competing philosophies between which a department must choose. They are complementary capacities every officer needs - and every agency must develop, sustain, and honor equally.
Social justice
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
4 days agoNeuroscience reveals that the calmest person in any crisis isn't naturally fearless - their brain learned to delay panic because their childhood required them to be functional before they were allowed to be afraid - Silicon Canals
Calmness under pressure is a learned response, not merely a personality trait or temperament.
Writing
fromwww.theguardian.com
1 month agoThe kindness of strangers: on an emptied train carriage, a man rubbed his hand on my thigh then another passenger intervened
A stranger intervened during a sexual assault on a train by pretending to know the victim, creating a distraction that allowed her to escape the attacker.
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
5 days agoThere's a generation of people who were taught to apologize for their needs so effectively that as adults they experience wanting something as a form of aggression against whoever might have to provide it - Silicon Canals
Many adults associate expressing needs with guilt, viewing requests as impositions rather than natural interactions.
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
5 days agoPeople who stop trying to be liked are often accused of having an attitude - by the people who most benefited from them having none - Silicon Canals
Setting boundaries often leads to others perceiving you as difficult or having an attitude problem, despite unchanged competence.
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
1 week agoNot everyone who keeps a small social circle is protecting their energy. Some of them built a wide one once, watched it reveal exactly how many people would show up during an actual emergency, and quietly restructured around the answer - Silicon Canals
Small social circles often result from past crises that reveal true friendships, rather than a preference for fewer connections.
Writing
fromwww.theguardian.com
1 month agoExperience: I suffered terrible burns as a child then became a firefighter
A severe burn accident at age six caused third- and fourth-degree burns on 73% of the body, requiring a year of hospitalization and long-term recovery, fundamentally shaping life trajectory and resilience.
World news
fromwww.theguardian.com
2 months agoWhat happens to accidental heroes when the headlines fade? You get your award and then there's nothing'
Ordinary people repeatedly risk their lives to aid the wounded and stop attackers during mass-violence incidents, providing spontaneous courage and lifesaving interventions.
fromwww.theguardian.com
2 months agoAfter the Bondi terror attack, people keep calling me a hero. There are so many people I could not help | Jessica Rozen
There were four or five events in Sydney for the first night of Hanukah. In 2024 we went to an event at Dover Heights, but parking was a nightmare. We decide on Bondi (where parking is also a nightmare). Five of us my mum, husband, son (3), daughter (one-and-a-half) and I pile into the car. We walk past the Christmas markets at Bondi beach, looking for the festival.
Arts
Silicon Valley
fromSilicon Canals
2 months agoPsychology says people who always volunteer to go last display these 6 traits that started as survival mechanisms - Silicon Canals
People who volunteer to go last often observe first, gathering social information and using heightened sensitivity as adaptive, evolutionarily rooted strategies.
Mental health
fromSilicon Canals
1 month agoPeople who stay calm during emergencies but fall apart over minor inconveniences aren't fragile. Their system was calibrated for catastrophe, and it genuinely doesn't know how to scale down to a traffic jam or a lost set of keys. - Silicon Canals
Accumulated small daily frustrations can trigger greater stress responses than single major crises in people whose nervous systems were calibrated for survival under chronic danger or high-stakes conditions.
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