"'Do you have the 20 bucks you promised me for gas?' I twisted the key in the ignition. The staccato heaving of my electric blue Chrysler PT Cruiser competed with Anita's rustling through her floppy purse. 'Ugh, I must've forgotten it. Surely, that's OK. I'll just - ' I started gasping for air. After weeks of forcing a state of calm collectedness, my body finally rebelled. My voice: ' Surely that's OK?! ' (First, mocking.)"
"Then, loud, raspy and unrecognisable: 'It's not OK.' From my blurry periphery, Anita's arm stretched to touch my shoulder. She often did that to ground someone. I watched my arm swat hers and yank the cushioned steering wheel. The fuzzy purple dice hanging from the rearview mirror that my brother jokingly bought me for my 21st birthday tilted sharply. 'I'm turning the car around right now, and we're looking for an ATM.'"
A graduate student experiences a sudden, intense panic attack while sitting in a car after a peer asks for promised money. The attack unfolds with throat-tightening gasps, a pounding forehead, and involuntary physical reactions that include swatting a reassuring touch away and jerking the steering wheel. The student later identifies late-diagnosed ADHD and difficulties with emotion regulation as contributors, alongside situational academic stress and feelings of not fitting in. Prior excitement about a research idea and a mentor-provided dataset set the scene for the collaboration that preceded the episode.
Read at Aeon
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