"The other prime motivator is our need for connectedness. There's a tendency to confuse these two, since they both have to do, in a certain sense, with mattering. Connectedness is our need to feel that there are certain others who will pay us special attention, whether we deserve it or not. In other words, we need to feel that we matter to certain people."
"We are born into a helplessness unmatched in the animal kingdom, and if, in our prolonged immaturity, no caretakers regard us as deserving of their special attention, we die. Our need for connectedness, in its most fundamental sense, begins here and continues throughout our life. We are social animals. But that's not all that we are. Which brings me to the mattering instinct. Unlike our need for connectedness, which intrinsically concerns our relationship to others, the mattering instinct intrinsically concerns our relationship with ourselves."
People seek both connectedness—the assurance that specific others will pay them special attention—and mattering—the inward sense that one’s life is significant to oneself. Connectedness stems from dependency in infancy and persists in relationships with family, friends, partners, colleagues, and community. The mattering instinct concerns self-evaluation and the ways individuals make their lives meaningful. The strategies people use to achieve mattering shape personal identity, the meanings they find, and the legacies they leave. Distinguishing these motives clarifies why people pursue certain bonds, compete for recognition, or form social divisions.
Read at Fast Company
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