"Deb was smack in the middle of stage two of the "truthing" process, the stage when your head knows you will be okay and that you can handle whatever repercussions might come from telling the truth... but your body doesn't actually believe it yet. Your body still harbors a deep fear of speaking your truth when that truth might be unlikable and unwanted."
"Deb also suffered with another aspect of stage two in the "truthing" process. Namely, self-criticism. Deb was frustrated and disappointed in herself because she couldn't or wouldn't tell her husband the truth about how she felt. She accused herself of being a coward and a "fake-feminist." While she talked a big game, at the end of the day, she "just wanted comfort" and wasn't willing to walk the walk of an empowered woman."
"In her mind, her inability to be fully truthful was pathetic. An empowered woman would be willing to be "authentic" no matter what. The fact that she wasn't willing to shake up her world and confront the conflict meant that she was as controlled and weak as all the women who had come before her. The fact that she was operating from fear, not strength, and was driven by safety and familiarity."
Deb was fully aware of her unhappiness and what did not work in her marriage but remained too afraid to tell her husband. Her head believed she could handle the repercussions of honesty, while her body still feared unlikable and unwanted truth. She stayed in a relationship that caused anxiety, loneliness, and chronic dysregulation. She responded with harsh self-criticism, labeling herself a coward and "fake-feminist," preferring comfort over confronting fallout. She feared losing the security of the relationship and family structure. She operated from fear and familiarity rather than strength, growth, or authenticity, feeling paralyzed by unknowns.
Read at Psychology Today
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