Miss Manners: Why do they resent it when I say I can't keep weight on?
Briefly

Miss Manners: Why do they resent it when I say I can't keep weight on?
"In 2011, I had weight loss surgery. It was very successful, and I've managed to keep the weight off. Of course, a lot of people think I took the easy way to lose weight, but surgery is not a miracle cure, just a tool. My current problem is actually keeping my weight up where my doctor (not the weight-loss doctor) wants it."
"I'm only 5-foot-3, and I feel too heavy at the weight my doctor says is healthy. What people don't realize is that it's just as much a struggle for me to gain weight as it was to lose it. I am very careful not to brag, or even talk, about my weight (although others will bring up how small I am)."
"GENTLE READER: So you do understand. Instead of weighing (sorry) the relative inequities of who gets to talk about size and who does not, Miss Manners will tell everyone equally: Just stop it. Nothing good can come from these discussions. And clearly, assuring your friends that you do not consider them overweight and therefore, that it is OK for you to talk about it is not the comfort you think it is. Lead by example and do not contribute to these demoralizing self-assessments."
An individual underwent successful weight-loss surgery and struggles now to maintain a healthy weight that feels heavy to her. Many assume surgery was an easy fix, yet it functions as a tool rather than a cure, and gaining weight can be as difficult as losing it. Friends freely discuss losing weight but react negatively when she mentions needing to gain. One friend snapped, refusing to hear about the need to gain. Public conversations about body size encourage demoralizing self-assessments. People should refrain from commenting on others' sizes, avoid false reassurances, and lead by example to prevent harm.
Read at www.mercurynews.com
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