"Gatti Tassin: I'm assuming this is about birthday gifts, but there are also the holidays. So, theoretically, if everybody is getting a present, that's 36 presents a year. I think that is unreasonable. It's natural in big families to have closer relationships with some people than others. There are other ways you can acknowledge someone's birthday or a holiday without feeling like you need to shell out money. Maybe it's sending a birthday card."
"De La Rosa: Money is just a symptom of the core issue, which is someone asking for closeness and connection. Your siblings are saying, "Hey, I want you to love my children in the same way you love our other siblings' children. How can we become closer?" I would ask the letter writer to think about her values. How do you want these children to feel?"
An aunt to 18 nieces and nephews feels pressure to buy gifts for all despite limited emotional ties and rising costs. Expectations from siblings frame unequal giving as unfair, yet equal financial investment across a large extended family is often impractical. Big-family dynamics produce varying degrees of closeness, making selective generosity reasonable. Low-cost acknowledgments such as cards or special gestures can honor birthdays and holidays without large expenses. Money frequently signals a call for closeness; clarifying personal values about the desired role in each child's life can guide whether to invest emotionally or financially. Creative, nonmonetary ways can sustain connection without financial harm.
Read at www.npr.org
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