"We have to face up to the fact that every single one of them is fucking useless. Anyway, come on in and experience chaosmaxxing with the governing party! Let's take a look at the runners, riders, loose horses and horse traders who just want Keir Starmer to go and live on a farm. This is a fast-moving situation, so please don't worry if something different seems to have happened to him by the time you read this column."
"Apparently the van you saw is owned by a vet who had simply failed to repaint it. Although one thing we absolutely must insist on the death of in the hours/days/weeks ahead is the catchphrase I get it, or the observation of another hopeful that he or she gets it. At this rate, the only thing people will be interested in many of this lot getting is hantavirus. The language in general is unconvincingly exquisite."
"On Sunday, the PM was still droning on about things he's going to put in the 2029 manifesto. He might as well discuss things he's going to put in season eight of HBO's Harry Potter series. Monday's big public address didn't go any better Starmer's reheated that speech so many times it has now incubated bacillus poisoning. He doesn't shape events; he narrates them. He's sort of Britain's audio description."
"Or worse, its ChatGPT incapable of original or constructive thought, merely reflecting a nation's howls of impotent frustration. Great point! Would you like me to show you other ways in which we're screwed? But let's get"
Labour leadership options are described as uniformly useless, with calls for Keir Starmer to leave and live elsewhere. The situation is framed as fast-moving and chaotic, including claims about a van being owned by a vet who failed to repaint it. Language and messaging are criticized as unconvincingly polished, while demands for an exit timetable are portrayed as really wanting the PM to depart immediately. Cabinet ministers are said to have discussed a responsible, dignified departure, but the response is that only a time machine could make it orderly. Starmer is depicted as repeatedly reheating speeches, failing to shape events, and acting like an audio description or ChatGPT that reflects national frustration without original or constructive thought.
Read at www.theguardian.com
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