Why a New Year's Reset for Couples Isn't Likely to Stick

"The idea is comforting, and it's easy to understand its appeal. Psychologists even have a name for it: the fresh start effect, the belief that a new beginning creates instant motivation and lasting change. While this concept has some validity when it comes to individual goal-setting, it doesn't work the same way in relationships. In fact, relying on it too heavily can quietly undermine long-term connection."

"These moments help create a separation between "old self" and "new self," which can make change feel more possible. This works reasonably well for personal behaviors, like starting a workout routine or cutting back on sugar. Relationships, however, are not individual habits. They're dynamic systems shaped by patterns, emotional history, attachment styles, and communication habits built over time. You can't simply declare a new beginning and expect the partnership to reset itself."

Landmark moments such as New Year's or birthdays often spark the fresh start effect, creating short-term motivation by separating an "old self" from a "new self." That effect reliably helps with individual habits like exercise or diet but does not rewire relational dynamics. Relationships operate as emotional systems governed by long-standing patterns, attachment styles, communication habits, and shared histories. Declaring a reset without addressing underlying patterns typically produces temporary hope followed by frustration. Sustainable change in partnerships requires increasing awareness of interaction patterns, mutual accountability, and repeated repair to transform entrenched cycles.

Read at Psychology Today