""This probably sounds insane," my young client, married for three years, said recently. "I'm embarrassed to say it, but here it is: I love my husband, but sometimes I can't stand him!" Actually, that's something therapists hear a lot. And it isn't a sign of insanity. It's quite possible to feel love and dislike simultaneously. Sometimes the feelings of dislike evolve over serious problems that may not be changeable: emotional, verbal, or physical abuse, or concepts of morality forever at odds."
""My ex-wife kept losing jobs because she would steal money from petty cash," a client I'll call Mark told me. "She saw stealing as a legitimate solution to our serious financial problems. She didn't see anything wrong with it. I was appalled and realized our fundamental differences were too severe for the relationship to survive." When you're facing abuse or are appalled by a spouse's amorality, ending the relationship may be your best option."
Love and dislike can coexist in relationships, and irritation often stems from specific behaviors rather than lack of affection. Some problems reflect fundamental differences or abuse that may be impossible or unsafe to change, making separation the healthiest option. More commonly, resentment comes from habits like neglecting chores, crude manners, or unmet expectations, which are potentially changeable. Couples should separate the person from the undesirable behavior, decide what they can tolerate versus what requires change, prioritize the level of change desired, and respond with constructive actions. Conflict can become opportunity when approached positively and purposefully.
Read at Psychology Today
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