"Instead, it is something that emerges gradually and is often disguised as selflessness, loyalty, or even emotional maturity. You learn to adapt, wait, explain, and constantly accommodate, not out of a lack of self, but because trying to maintain the relationship feels "safer" than letting go. Over time, this pattern quietly reshapes your inner world while conditioning you to believe your feelings are negotiable, your needs unimportant, and your emotions are "too much.""
"Self-abandonment is a learned pattern of relational responding where you reject, ignore, or deny parts of yourself to maintain the status quo of your relationship, while looking at others to validate and approve your value and worth. It often starts in neglectful and emotionally inconsistent environments where a child learns to jump through hoops to please their caregiver as validation of their worth."
Self-abandonment develops gradually when people deny, ignore, or reject parts of themselves to preserve relationships. Early neglect or emotional inconsistency teaches children to perform for approval, producing anxious attachment and prioritizing others' needs. Patterns appear as excessive selflessness, loyalty, or apparent emotional maturity while internalizing beliefs that feelings are negotiable, needs are unimportant, and emotions are too much. Reliance on external validation replaces inherent self-worth. Narcissistic relational dynamics can deepen self-abandonment by encouraging a false self, projecting shame onto partners, and conditioning victims to suppress needs to avoid harm or rejection.
Read at Psychology Today
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