When Family Estrangement Doesn't Add Up

"Family estrangement has become a widely discussed phenomenon, spawning support forums, books, and podcasts for both estranged adult children and their parents. While cutting off some family contact often serves as self-protection, not all estrangements follow the same pattern. Some ruptures may be the product of undue influence, a form of external control that leads a person to make decisions that go against their best interest, rather than the exercise of genuine autonomy."

"Abuse and chronic boundary violations provide legitimate grounds for ending parental contact. Such situations typically involve lifelong patterns of harmful behavior that parents refuse to acknowledge or change. They don't revolve around single incidents or minor conflicts. When parents are continually abusive, maintaining relationships perpetuates harm. Similarly, in families dominated by addiction, untreated mental illness, or narcissistic dynamics, adult children may need to establish distance from multiple members to break generational cycles of maltreatment."

Legitimate family estrangement often results from chronic abuse, repeated boundary violations, unresolved trauma, addiction, untreated mental illness, or narcissistic family dynamics. Adult children may need distance from multiple relatives to stop generational cycles of harm and protect their well-being. Coerced or manipulated estrangement emerges when outside influence drives abrupt cutoffs without clear objective reasons, sometimes producing radical personality change and widespread social cutoffs. Key evaluative questions include who benefits from the separation and whether the choice reflects autonomous decision-making. Expert assessment helps determine when intervention is warranted versus when separation is appropriate self-protection.

Read at Psychology Today