"We can seem to have become obsessed with identifying whether or not the people in our lives are dysfunctional in some way. Compounding this, many therapists may listen to a client's hurts, disappointments, dissatisfactions, and anger with loved ones, and then, without ever having met them, offer diagnoses that confirm their clients' one-sided perspectives: "Your partner/parent/ sibling/friend is broken in some irreparable way.""
"When I train other therapists, I often ask, "Who has had the experience of working with one spouse for several sessions and wondering, 'Why in the world is my client staying married to this loser, narcissist, or lout?' Then, one day, the absent spouse decides to come to a session. By the end of the session, you're thinking, 'I really like this guy,' or 'Wow, his wife is completely different than I expected.'""
"All the therapists in my training laugh because they recognize themselves in the scenario. One-sided stories told with passion are compelling, but I have seen families torn asunder because of this tendency to look for pathology under every rock. Therapists who focus on dysfunction aren't necessarily ill-intentioned. Many therapy models are designed to take people on psychological archeological digs, excavating for pathology."
Relationship problems commonly prompt a search for causes and a tendency to blame loved ones, often thinking, "Our relationship would be easy if it weren't for you." An obsession with identifying dysfunction in others can develop. Therapists sometimes validate one-sided client accounts by diagnosing absent loved ones without meeting them. Working with only one partner can create distorted impressions that shift when the other person is present. Passionate, one-sided stories can tear families apart. Many therapy models emphasize excavating pathology, yet alternatives exist. A formative graduate-school experience triggered intense scrutiny and reevaluation of previously idealized family relationships.
Read at Psychology Today
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