"But let me tell you a secret: Sexual problems are rarely about sex itself. They're about the silent scripts we carry: those insidious beliefs, 10 or 12 of them, all variations on the theme of "I'm not good enough." These internal narratives, like shadows in the bedroom, shape how we show up, or fail to, in the dance of intimacy."
"I'm a sexologist who's spent over three decades sitting with the tender truths of couples and individuals as they unravel the knots of their sexual lives. Too often, I hear the lament: "Our sex life is broken." But let me tell you a secret: Sexual problems are rarely about sex itself. They're about the silent scripts we carry: those insidious beliefs, 10 or 12 of them, all variations on the theme of "I'm not good enough.""
Sexual difficulties commonly stem from ingrained internal scripts of inadequacy rather than physical technique. These silent beliefs—phrases like "I'm not good enough," "My needs don't matter," or "I'll be judged"—form in infancy and shape adult sexual behavior, creating barriers to authentic expression and desire. Partners often perform or withdraw to chase approval or avoid vulnerability. Healing requires identifying and rewriting these scripts, reclaiming pleasure as a birthright, and fostering connection through courage and communication. Addressing disconnection transforms intimacy by enabling honest expression of needs and mutual exploration.
Read at Psychology Today
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