This is how we do it: I worried about his kinks, but I'm learning to relax and be playful'

"Seven months before I met Viv, my marriage had just ended and I was having the best sex of my life with a good friend. Mindblowing, incredible sex where I discovered that I was into being demeaned and flogged. The depth of trust required made me feel really safe, turned on and even cared for. Things ended with that friend when she moved abroad. I was still grieving the loss when I matched with Viv on Tinder."

"The sex is gentle and affectionate with her. At the start, I questioned whether that was enough after the intense experience I'd just come out of. After four months, I tried to end things. Two days later, I realised I'd made a mistake. What I have with Viv is like nothing I'd experienced before. I'd been married for 10 years to a woman who gaslit me and controlled me financially."

Seven months after his marriage ended, he had mind‑blowing, kinky sex with a friend that involved being demeaned and flogged and required deep trust. That relationship ended when the friend moved abroad, leaving him grieving. He then matched with Viv and experienced gentle, affectionate sex that initially felt less intense. He briefly tried to end the relationship after four months but soon realized the connection was unique. Viv offered kindness, generosity, reciprocity, and physical warmth. He learned to set aside arrogance, to value softer lovemaking, and to accept Viv's shyness about kink; he bought a flogger but will not pressure her.

Read at www.theguardian.com