The Mother-In-Law Survival Plan You Need Heading Into The Holidays

"The holidays bring families together, but if you have a rough relationship with your mother-in-law, the holidays become a breeding ground for conflict. Scary Mommy spoke with psychologist Dr. Tracy Dalgleish, author of the forthcoming book You, Your Husband & His Mother, about her three-step survival guide for getting through holiday gatherings with a problematic mother-in-law. (Spoiler: It all comes down to being "on the same team" as your partner.)"

"Before a visit with your MIL, discuss with your partner what matters most for this event. Tune into what's important to you and how you want to show up, Dalgleish says. You should also identify what behaviors from your mother-in-law set you off. Is it the negging of your cooking at Thanksgiving, or trying to control the order of events around Hanukkah or Christmas?"

""Based on past experiences, ask yourself, what can we expect to be the challenges we'll face this year? How do we want to handle it? And what are we willing to tolerate and to not tolerate? What boundaries can we express and who will say them?" Dalgleish says. Anticipating all of this ahead of the gathering helps you and your partner create a united front."

Holidays often trigger conflict when relationships with a mother-in-law are strained. The central strategy is for partners to be on the same team. Before gatherings, partners should anticipate likely triggers, identify behaviors that provoke reactions, and clarify priorities for the event. Partners should decide what they will and will not tolerate, set boundaries, and assign who will assert them. Anticipation and a clear game plan create a united front, enabling smoother handling of issues during the event rather than reacting in the moment. Tuning into what matters most for the occasion helps determine compromises and non-negotiables.

Read at Scary Mommy