"I'm a woman in my 30s who's recently started seeing a man in his 40s who has a lot of effeminate characteristics-his voice, his lingo, his attire, his mannerisms. When I first met him at a social event, I assumed he was gay. He's handsome, smart, and super interesting, and I'm interested in seeing where things go with him."
"The sex we have is pretty good; I find some aspects arousing, but others (his voice, his grooming, the specific compliments he gives me about my appearance) are a turn-off because they strike me as gay, and I've always been into more traditionally masculine guys."
"I'm hung up on the effeminacy, not because I think he's secretly gay (I don't!), but because I just want to know more about it. I'm intrigued by him and want to know what it's like for him moving through the world with people probably often assuming, as I did, that he's gay."
A woman in her 30s is dating a man in his 40s who displays effeminate characteristics including his voice, clothing, and mannerisms. She initially assumed he was gay but confirmed he is heterosexual and not bisexual. While attracted to his intelligence and personality, she finds some aspects of his presentation—particularly his voice and grooming—less arousing because they conflict with her typical preference for traditionally masculine men. She wants to have a deeper conversation with him about his gender expression and how he navigates the world with people often making assumptions about his sexuality, but she struggles with how to initiate this discussion without seeming judgmental or reducing him to stereotypes.
Read at Slate Magazine
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