Two acquaintances entered a friends-with-benefits arrangement with no desire to date; one is moving, the other disillusioned by his parents' divorce. Physical chemistry, shared kinks, and compatible sexual dynamics are present. Sexual encounters have become highly intimate, featuring prolonged eye contact, slow moments, exploration of fantasies, and extensive aftercare. Persistent caretaking includes unannounced visits during menstrual pain and providing comfort items. Attempts to reduce intimacy were resisted with the partner claiming less intimate encounters are not sex to him. The questioner fears developing romantic attachment and wonders whether to end the arrangement or dial it back.
Mostly it's been great. We have amazing chemistry, similar kinks, he's fun in and out of bed, and things kind of mesh. The problem is that sex with him is incredibly intimate, and it's only getting more intense. He has to have eye contact, and lots of slow, intense moments. He wants to talk out and try all the kinky/weird/selfish things I've ever wanted but been too embarrassed to try with anyone.
He has to cuddle and hold me afterwards, and even if we've done nothing more than slow missionary, he insists on aftercare and washing me. When I'm on my period and in too much pain to have sex, he drops in unannounced, gets me off, sets up a heat pack, and packs a bowl for me. I've tried to dial things back to be less intimate and keep the sex more casual and involve less caretaking, but he says that's not sex to him.
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