The 5 Ways We Lean On Others (Or Don't)

"Here's an important principle for living gratefully-the principle of nourishing reliance. Nourishing reliance is a simple but radical idea: not just admitting we need other people but delighting in that need, seeing it as meaningful, beneficial, and even essential to fulfilling our deepest potential as human beings. Research shows that grateful people are more likely to seek out support from others, while relying on others in turn creates more opportunities for gratitude. Gratitude deepens when we embrace our shared reliance."

"Confession time: I wrestle with applying this principle in my personal life. I'm the guy who hates asking for directions when I'm lost. If leaning on others feels tough for you, know this: We're fellow travelers on the same road. Five Ways of Engaging With People When it comes to leaning (or not leaning) on others, we tend to fall into one of five patterns: four that hold us back and one that helps us thrive."

"1. Hyper-Independence: The "I-need-no-one" approach. You avoid depending on anyone, and you have few meaningful relationships. Even some social butterflies practice hyper-independence. You might be gregarious and friendly with everyone, keeping relationships pleasant but shallow. Vulnerability terrifies you. Asking for help feels impossible. 2. Caretakerism: You're great at giving, terrible at receiving. You form meaningful relationships by helping others-teaching, mentoring, counseling-but bristle at the thought of being cared for yourself."

Nourishing reliance means delighting in needing other people and viewing that need as meaningful, beneficial, and essential to human potential. Grateful people more often seek support, and relying on others creates opportunities for gratitude; gratitude deepens when shared reliance is embraced. Personal reluctance to ask for help is common, yet many people travel the same path toward connection. Five engagement patterns appear: hyper-independence, caretakerism, toxic dependence, stigmatized dependence, and one adaptive pattern that fosters thriving. Hyper-independence avoids dependence and keeps relationships shallow. Caretakerism gives freely but resists receiving care. Stigmatized dependence hides needs due to shame.

Read at Psychology Today