Should You Marry a Sexual Expert or an Intimacy Expert?

"The term "expert" usually carries highly positive connotations-someone exceptionally skilled and knowledgeable. But is such expertise always beneficial in romantic relationships? Should you marry a romantic expert? Baruch Spinoza distinguishes three levels of knowledge: Emotional-intuitive knowledge, based on the senses and imagination-often confused and unreliable. Intellectual deliberative knowledge, grounded in universal notions-true in principle, yet often incomplete in practice. Intuitive reasoning, the highest level of knowledge, which integrates emotion and intellect, culminating in what Spinoza calls the "intellectual love of God" (1677)."

"Expert knowledge belongs to this third level. Although experts often reach conclusions intuitively, their intuition rests on deep, long-term learning. Medical or wine experts develop perceptual sensitivity that enables rapid, nondeliberative judgments. Emotional intelligence functions similarly, blending trained intuition with reflective understanding (Ben-Ze'ev & Kerbs, 2024). Moral expertise follows the same pattern. Virtuous individuals are more attuned to moral nuances and less tempted by wrongdoing. Their behavior reflects internalized values rather than constant deliberation. Moral education, therefore, should cultivate intuitive moral sensitivity (Ben-Ze'ev, 2000)."

Expert knowledge in relationships corresponds to Spinoza's highest level of knowledge: intuitive reasoning that integrates emotion and intellect. Such expertise arises from deep, long-term learning and produces rapid, nondeliberative judgments, as seen in medical, wine, and emotional domains. Moral expertise mirrors this pattern: virtuous people internalize values, perceive moral nuances, and act without constant deliberation, indicating a need to cultivate intuitive moral sensitivity. Romantic flourishing depends on partners bringing out the best in each other and continually learning one another's uniqueness. Intuitive attitudes often predict marital outcomes better than deliberate intentions, so expertise helps only when partners keep learning.

Read at Psychology Today