"Different couples make all kinds of different pacts with each other some spoken, some unspoken. In your partnership it seems you originally found parity; you both benefited from the arrangement between you. Aside from being happy in your everyday lives together, you were able to use your sexual creativity to satisfy him, and in turn perhaps he was able to avoid having to acknowledge aspects of his sexual orientation that made him uncomfortable."
"For as long as you felt this pact was fair, you were happy with it, but now the balance has changed and you are longing to be truly desired. You will have to think carefully about whether the benefits of being with him outweigh the difficulties. What is most important is to stop belittling your feelings as your own hangups. A woman knows if she is undesired, and it is very painful."
An original, mutually beneficial sexual arrangement relied on creative scenarios to satisfy his desires and allowed avoidance of uncomfortable aspects of his sexual orientation. That arrangement initially produced parity and day-to-day happiness. Over time the balance shifted and one partner now feels undesired because sexual encounters center on his fantasy of being with a man and he shows limited physical desire toward her. She must evaluate whether the emotional cost outweighs relationship benefits. Her feelings are valid and should not be dismissed as hangups. Both partners should respect these feelings when deciding how to move forward.
Read at www.theguardian.com
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