"My brother has always been in and out of work. He's smart but can't really stick to anything or he charms them at first and then doesn't really follow through. He's a fun guy, but not reliable. I deal with this by never loaning him money or letting him be close or part of anything critical in my life. I don't even assume he'll show up to Christmas when he says he will."
"And my mom has been paying all his bills on and off, mostly on, for years. But since his divorce it's been much worse and she's realizing she won't be able to retire, and she's starting to have physical health issues. She's asked me for financial help. If it were a real emergency, we could tighten our budget to help her with groceries and gas, but we have student loans and two kids in daycare so it's not like we have spare cash."
A 65-year-old mother is financially enabling an unreliable adult son by paying his bills, risking her retirement and health. The daughter cannot subsidize them due to student loans, daycare costs, and limited household income. Repeated conversations with both mother and brother have not changed behaviors. The daughter's husband urges a strict budgetary line to refuse further monetary assistance. Establishing clear financial boundaries protects the daughter's household stability while respecting the mother's autonomy. Nonfinancial support, professional financial or legal advice, and refusing to provide cash can prevent continued enabling and limit further harm.
Read at Slate Magazine
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