My Husband Is Careful Not to Fall Into the Same Dark Traps His Father Did. But He's Taken It Too Far.

"My husband, who is 44, is completely useless around the house. Although he is good at his job and supports us financially, that's all he does. He can't cook and doesn't try, and he doesn't wash dishes or do laundry. He doesn't contribute anything to the daily care for our two elementary school children or even to our animals, and leaves clothes on the floor, plates on the bedside table, candy wrappers between the sofa cushions, and on and on."

"I've tried to reason with him that it would be more helpful to me if he helped with the little everyday jobs, like folding the laundry, but he gets angry and hurt that I don't appreciate what an effort he's made. He grew up in a dangerously dysfunctional home, with an alcoholic father who never did housework or got a job, while his mother worked three jobs and only had time to make toast for dinner,"

Husband, 44, excels at work and is the primary financial provider but routinely avoids cooking, dishes, laundry, childcare, and pet care. He leaves clutter throughout the home and occasionally performs an all-day deep-cleaning binge every few months. The wife requests help with small daily tasks but conversations provoke anger because he perceives occasional big efforts as sufficient. His childhood with an alcoholic, nonparticipating father and an overworked mother shapes his view of roles. His sobriety and pride as the breadwinner further complicate change. Limited access to mental-health or counseling services restricts options and has confined the wife to low-hours jobs.

Read at Slate Magazine