"You're not wrong to feel irritated, but I think you may be irritated about the wrong thing. The issue isn't that they're not legally married-it's that they weren't upfront about it. If they'd said, "We're having a commitment ceremony to celebrate our partnership, and we'd love for you to join us," you could have decided whether to attend and give a gift. Instead, they let everyone assume it was a legal marriage, which feels deceptive."
"But let's reality-check your irritation: What's the actual difference between "we're legally married" and "we're committed life partners"? Functionally, for you as a guest, nothing. You showed up, celebrated their relationship, and gave them a lovely gift. That's the social contract. Whether they filed paperwork with the state doesn't"
Two friends hosted a large wedding-like celebration with a ceremony and a gift registry but are not legally married and do not plan to be. The core problem is the absence of upfront disclosure that the event was a non-legal commitment ceremony. Feeling irritated or misled is reasonable because guests made attendance and gifting decisions under an assumed legal marriage. Functionally, guests still celebrated and gave gifts, but informed consent matters. Clear labeling of the event type would have allowed guests to decide whether to attend or contribute. Addressing the lack of transparency can resolve lingering resentment.
Read at Slate Magazine
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